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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22974556">Reassessment</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/songofdefiance/pseuds/songofdefiance'>songofdefiance</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Trek: Voyager</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst with a Happy Ending, C/7 is there but it doesn't last, F/F, Friends to Lovers, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Post-Endgame, hinted J/C</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 15:21:28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>22,056</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22974556</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/songofdefiance/pseuds/songofdefiance</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“It’s forced me to confront my own feelings, like the fact that I’ve been in love with Seven for some time now.”</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kathryn Janeway &amp; Kes, Kes &amp; Seven of Nine, Kes/Seven of Nine</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>30</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Part I</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Okay, so, there were a couple of things that spurred this: one, that I'm forever bitter that Kes was booted off the show when Seven was brought on.  Two, I'm 100 percent convinced that Kes and Seven would've been really good friends, because Kes seemed to bond with the neuroatypical crew members.  I think her patience and kindness would've made for some really great interactions between them.</p>
<p>Three... honestly this is the only Seven ship I like (even though it doesn't exist and never will).  </p>
<p>Anyway!  There is C/7 in this.  As for the J/C, you're welcome to interpret it as being there, but if you're not a fan it's not very overt.  I've been procrastinating big time on editing this, but I'm finally getting it done.  Hope you all enjoy!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>They don’t notice her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Maybe that isn’t fair.  Kes is quiet, and it’s not as though she’s made any noise.  They’re far enough down the hall that they probably wouldn’t notice any movement in their peripheral vision right away.  So they don’t notice her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It doesn’t matter.  She notices them.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The Commander’s right hand is loosely clasped in Seven’s left.  They’re leaning their foreheads against one another. The Commander has lifted Seven’s hand to his lips, and he’s smiling.  A bright smile, one that Kes hasn’t seen in a very long time. The smile that Seven gives him in reply is one that she’s never seen before.  The Commander is in uniform, and Seven is wearing one of her biosuits, but her hair is down.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They don’t notice her.  Kes feels like her feet are glued to the floor.  If she weren’t gripping her padd so tightly, she thinks she’d probably drop it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The worst part is that Kes can’t look away.  She keeps staring, her gaze riveted to the tender gestures between the two, until they both turn and enter the turbolift at the far end of the hallway.  Only then does she become unstuck, breath rushing into her lungs as she forces one foot to move, then the other.</span>
</p><hr/>
<p>
  <span>As a child, Christmas Eve was one of Kathryn’s favorite days of the year.  The anticipation, the excitement - even after she’d learned that Santa wasn’t real, she still tried to stay up late to sneak peeks at whatever her mother was putting under the tree.  Christmas Day itself was all well and good, but it was always the day before that gave her that particular feeling of elation.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>That’s how Kathryn feels today - albeit tempered.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tomorrow, Voyager will land on the Starfleet grounds in San Francisco.  Tomorrow, everyone in the crew - including her - will be allowed two weeks of leave before debriefings start.  Tomorrow she’ll get to see her mother and sister again, and step on Earth for the first time in seven years. Tomorrow is a day that fills her with elation.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>For the most part.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The image of Chakotay and Seven, standing together on Voyager’s bridge, often intrudes on Kathryn’s excitement.  She hasn’t had any one-on-one interaction with either of them since they crashed into the Alpha Quadrant, and though she misses them both already, a part of her is grateful for that.  She doesn’t know how to deal with the Admiral’s revelations about their relationship. Right now, she doesn’t want to. It’s a good thing, then, that she’s kept busy with calls from various admirals and with preparing for disembarking from Voyager.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It’s all happening so fast.  She doesn’t know how to deal with that, either.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Right now, she’s checking in with every crew member, ensuring that they all have somewhere to go for their two weeks of leave.  The Starfleet crew are all mostly accounted for, and many of the Maquis still have loved ones who are either already on Earth or who are willing to travel to Earth to visit.  Those who don’t have friends among the crew who are only too happy to take them in. Icheb has been invited to stay with the Wildmans, and has accepted. Seven is planning to stay with her aunt in Sweden, and Kes plans to accompany her.  After much arguing between Kathryn and Starfleet, the EMH has been allowed to stay with Kathryn in Indiana, so long as he doesn’t attempt to run away with the mobile emitter.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She suspects that he and her mother will get along like a house on fire.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kathryn glances at the chronometer on her screen and lets out a sigh.  It’s already 1800, leaving her with only half an hour to prepare for the party Tom Paris is organizing in Holodeck Two.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Doctor to Captain Janeway.</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kathryn taps her commbadge absently, while her other hand is attempting to gather up the padds that have piled up on her desk.  They’ve almost arrived on Earth; she can’t just leave them sitting in her ready room anymore.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Go ahead, Doctor.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Captain, I was wondering if you knew Kes’ whereabouts?  We were planning to attend today’s party together, and I was expecting her back in sickbay almost half an hour ago, but I haven’t seen her.</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kathryn frowns.  “Have you tried contacting her?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>I have.  She hasn’t responded.</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kathryn taps her commbadge again.  “Janeway to Kes.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>There’s no answer.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Computer, locate Kes.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Kes is in Holodeck One.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kathryn’s frown deepens.  It’s not like Kes to miss out on a social event, especially when a friend is expecting to attend with her.  It’s also not like Kes to hide out on the holodeck for extended periods of time. Kes has always preferred to live in the here and now, spending time with the crew.  The last time they spoke, Kes had seemed curious - even excited - about the prospect of seeing Earth for the first time, but now Kathryn is wondering if she misinterpreted.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Janeway to the Doctor.  It seems that Kes is in Holodeck One.  If you don’t mind, I’d like to go and talk to her myself.  I think she might be a little bit nervous about tomorrow.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Of course, Captain.  Thank you. I’ll see you at the party.</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Janeway out.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kathryn takes a moment to brace herself against her desk for a moment, letting her head hang while she exhales.  Then she straightens, tilts her chin up, gathers up all of her padds, and leaves her ready room for what, she realizes, may well be the last time.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She stops briefly at her quarters to drop the padds off there, trying not to think about the packing she still has to do.  She then makes her way to Holodeck One, smiling and nodding at each crew member she passes. Chell even stops to hug her at one point, which leaves her gaping like a fish for a few seconds before she continues on her way.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When she finally reaches the holodeck doors, she’s feeling a little bit brighter.  A little bit closer to that kid on Christmas Eve.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The holodeck doors open on a sight that is from so long ago, but will always be imprinted on Kathryn’s memory.  The cavernous ceiling stretches up, out of sight, and the lighting makes it seem almost like a natural cave. Trees, shrubs, and other plants are lined up in neat little rows; a few are being watered by automated sprinkler systems.  There’s a hush over the garden. From where she stands, in the holodeck entrance, Kathryn can’t seen anyone.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It’s only a simulation, but Kathryn still feels the need to take careful steps.  She winces at the noise the holodeck doors make when they close behind her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It doesn’t surprise her that Kes would choose to take a few hours to herself in a simulation of Ocampa.  Voyager’s arrival on Earth means coming home for many of them, but not for Kes. For Kes, home has been Voyager for the majority of her life, and before that it was a world that none of them are likely to see again.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kathryn doesn’t have to walk far before she spies Kes, seated on a bench in front of a row of trees.  The trees are beautiful - they have blossoms of silver, and each blossom has gossamer strands that hang down from it.  As Kathryn comes closer, she’s able to see the tear tracks on Kes’ face.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Kes?” she asks quietly.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kes jumps, both hands flying up to her heart.  Her eyes widen, and she stands abruptly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Captain,” she says.  “I...”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s alright,” Kathryn says, moving forward quickly.  She grabs Kes’ hands and coaxes her to sit back down before sitting down beside her.  “I’m just here to check up on you. The Doctor called me; he was concerned that you didn’t meet up with him.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kes groans.  “The party. I completely forgot.  I should -”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Kes,” Kathryn interrupts firmly.  “You are under no obligation to attend the party if you don’t want to.  I understand that you might be feeling apprehension or homesickness about Voyager’s arrival on Earth.  I’m sure the Doctor will understand. He’s probably just as nervous as you are.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kes stares for a moment at their joined hands, then carefully pulls hers away.  She squeezes her eyes shut, and Kathryn wants nothing more than to gather Kes in a hug at that moment.  But she recognizes Kes’ need for space, and she waits.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s not about that,” Kes finally whispers.  “Well... not really. It sort of is, I suppose.  But I’m excited, too. I finally get to see all the places everyone’s been talking about.  And she doesn’t express it in the same way as everyone else, but I know that Seven’s eager to meet her aunt.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As she speaks, Kes’ eyes brim over with tears again.  Kathryn’s gut clenches at the mention of Seven, and the unwitting reminder of the Admiral’s words.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“But it’s not that,” Kes says.  “Not really.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re welcome to tell me what it’s about, Kes.  Or don’t. I can leave, if you’d prefer.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kes is silent for a long, long time.  Kathryn doesn’t move. If there’s one thing that hasn’t changed in seven years, it’s that Kes has always felt like she could come to Kathryn with her problems.  In a strange way, Kathryn is grateful for that.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I saw Seven and Commander Chakotay today,” Kes finally says.  “They were having... an intimate moment together.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kathryn locks down the feelings that want to come forth at that.  This is about Kes, not her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s forced me to confront my own feelings,” Kes continues, a bitter edge to her voice that Kathryn has rarely heard.  “Like the fact that I’ve been in love with Seven for some time now.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kathryn doesn’t hesitate; she reaches for Kes immediately, pulling her into a hug.  Kes shudders, then starts sobbing in earnest, burying her face in Kathryn’s shoulder.  Kathryn’s stomach is still churning at the revelation, but she ignores it in favor of rubbing Kes’ back, doing her best to comfort her.  She knows that there isn’t much that will alleviate the pain Kes is feeling, but she tries anyway.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Eventually, Kes quiets and pulls back, but it’s like a dam has broken, and she begins talking in earnest.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I knew, in the back of my head.  But I ignored it, because I didn’t want her to feel... some kind of obligation to return my feelings.  I felt that she wouldn’t understand that she didn’t have to.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kes stops.  She takes another breath.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Either way, it’s too late now.  She and the Commander are together, and I’m going to have to accept that.  Wish them both the best. Watch them be happy together - and they </span>
  <em>
    <span>are</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Captain, that might be the worst part of it.  They’re happy. I’ve seen it.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kathryn’s heart breaks all over again, watching Kes like this.  “You have to look after yourself, too.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I know,” Kes answers, looking down at her hands.  “But I - Seven’s already expecting me to come with her to her aunt’s.  She also... the other day, she asked me if I minded if someone else from the crew accompanied us.  I thought she meant Icheb, or... but now I think she means the Commander, and I don’t want to have to watch them together, but I don’t know what else to do.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It doesn’t take much thought.  “You can stay with me,” Kathryn offers.  “The Doctor already is. He’d be delighted to have you along.  My mother would, too. She would adore you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kes’ head shoots up.  “Really?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Of course.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kes smiles at her.  It’s a lot closer to the smile Kathryn is used to seeing, and it does a lot to set her heart at ease, even if there are still tears in Kes’ eyes.  The smile quickly fades, and Kes looks down at her hands again.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ll have to speak to Seven about it,” she murmurs.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kathryn feels a twinge of worry.  “What are you going to tell her?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kes looks back up at her, and there’s a steel in her gaze that Kathryn’s seen before, but usually when Kes is confronting one of the many threats Voyager has faced over the years.  She’s recognized it as the look that Kes has when she’s terrified, but willing to face down danger anyway.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“The truth.”</span>
</p><hr/>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“These social lessons you are proposing are irrelevant.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Not so,” Voyager’s EMH counters.  Seven does not understand why he tends to... bounce, when he speaks.  “Part of being human involves learning to interact with others in a way that helps them to feel comfortable.  Conversational abilities and etiquette are important when it comes to forming bonds with other people, which is a fundamental part of humanity.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“All evidence I have seen indicates that engaging in social activities decreases efficiency,” Seven says.  “Their time would be better spent working.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“On the surface, it may seem so,” the Doctor replies.  “But in actuality, when crew members are given some time to spend time with others and relax, their efficiency actually increases overall.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“I am Borg.  I do not require social interaction in order to increase my efficiency.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Seven,” comes Kes’ softer voice.  “I think you may be missing the point.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Both Seven of Nine and the Doctor turn to where Kes is standing.  She sends them both a quick smile and leaves her workstation. She takes the padd that the Doctor is holding and examines it, and gradually a frown appears on her face.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“And Doctor,” she says gently, “I’m sorry, but I don’t think your lesson is going to illustrate the point either.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>The Doctor appears wounded.  “I worked very hard on that lesson plan.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“I know you did,” Kes assures him, handing it back to him.  “But it delves into the how without truly examining the why.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Seven’s back straightens, and she turns to face Kes more fully.  “Explain,” she demands.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>If Kes is put off by Seven’s blunt manner, she doesn’t show it.  Instead, a thoughtful look appears on her face.  </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“May I ask you a question about your Borg implants?” Kes asks.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Seven blinks several times, then says, “You do not need my permission.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“I don’t know how personal they are to you,” Kes explains.  “It never hurts to ask permission if you’re not sure how a topic will affect someone.  My question is this: do they give you any kind of internal chronometer? Are you able to know exactly how much time is passing at any moment?”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Seven blinks again.  She is caught off guard by Kes’ line of questioning.  “I have that ability, yes,” she says. “Though whether it is the result of an implant or simply my being Borg, I cannot say.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“It’s okay,” Kes says.  “That doesn’t matter. Let’s go for a walk.  Doctor, would you like to come along?”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>The Doctor also appears caught by surprise.  Seven decides that she will have to re-evaluate Kes later.  This individual might prove more formidable than her initial assessment of her suggested.  </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Oh,” he says, shaking himself.  “No, thank you. I’ll remain in Sickbay, and finish some simulations I was running earlier.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Alright,” Kes says.  She gestures for Seven to follow her, and leads the way into the hallway.  Seven’s legs are longer, and it is easy to keep stride with Kes, but she is more interested in the conversation she is having with Kes.  </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“What was the reason for your inquiry?”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>She makes a note that they’re heading for the turbolift.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“I’ll explain it in a little while,” Kes says.  “But if it’s really important to you, I can tell you now.  Would you like me to?”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Seven surprises herself by saying, “No.  Continue as you originally intended.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>They step into the turbolift, and Kes smiles.  “Okay. What do you think the purpose of social interaction is?  And it’s not just important for humans. It’s important for Ocampans, Talaxians, Bolians... most of the species on this ship, actually.  But I want to hear what you think about it.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“It is a pointless task,” Seven declares.  They exit the turbolift, but her attention is on Kes, who, she notices, makes direct eye contact with her whenever she speaks to Seven.  “Time spent interacting with others is time that could be spent ensuring that Voyager is getting to the Alpha Quadrant more quickly.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Alright,” Kes says, her mouth quirking up.  “And once the Voyager crew arrives in the Alpha Quadrant?  Should they be permitted to socialize then?”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Their time could then be better spent ensuring that they work for the good of their collective.  Humanity, perhaps, or the Federation.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“And if they ensure the good of their collective?  Permanently?”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Seven opens her mouth to berate Kes for using an unrealistic scenario, but Kes holds up a hand.  </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“It’s a hypothetical situation, Seven,” Kes says.  “Reality isn’t a factor.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Seven closes her mouth and frowns.  Grudgingly, she says, “I suppose, at that point... if they wish to socialize, they may choose to do so.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“But not until then?” Kes asks.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“No.  Until then, it would be a pointless task.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Alright.  Then let’s revisit the realistic scenario.  We know that it would be impossible for anyone here to ensure that the good of their collective is completely ensured.  The assumption, then, is that they should work for the rest of their lives, without social interaction. Without forming connections with other people.  But the kind of work we’re talking about requires cooperation, shared goals, shared understanding. How is that accomplished without forming bonds with others?”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Seven opens her mouth, then closes it.  To her immense frustration, she cannot come up with an answer to that question.  Kes has well and truly trapped her.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Social interaction is not just a commodity,” Kes says.  “It’s an intrinsic need for many species. Without it, we wouldn’t survive.  Do you understand?”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Seven nods, still speechless.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Now,” Kes says, her tone a little lighter, “That doesn’t mean that that the level of need differs from person to person.  Some people require a large amount of social interaction in their lives. Others need very little. You might be one of the latter, Seven, and if you’d like, the Doctor and I would be happy to help you figure out what you’re comfortable with.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Seven does her best to formulate a response.  “This conversation has made me... curious,” she admits.  </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Kes smiles.  Seven actually feels her mouth muscles moving in response; she suppresses them.  “I’m glad to hear that,” Kes says.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Abruptly, Kes stops walking.  Seven frowns at her.  </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Why have we stopped?” she asks.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“We’re back at Sickbay,” Kes answers.  </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Seven feels a rush of confusion and alarm.  She was not aware that they had come back to Sickbay.  She doesn’t know what path they took to get here. Such a lapse in attention is unacceptable.  She must -</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Seven, it’s alright,” Kes says, and Seven refocuses her attention on her.  “Would it be alright if I touched your shoulder? Sometimes contact can help keep people in the present.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Seven shakes her head in refusal.  “Explain,” she says. She’s not talking about the physical contact.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Kes keeps her distance and smiles again.  “Did you notice time passing as we were walking?” she asks.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Seven is initially perplexed at the question, but she freezes when she realizes the answer.  “No.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“When we’re enjoying ourselves,” Kes explains, “we often don’t notice time passing.  It might seem frightening now, but we need those moments in our lives, Seven. That’s another part of social interaction, Seven.  It’s meant to be enjoyed. I think you enjoyed our conversation. I also want you to know that it’s okay if you’re frightened by that - it must feel like a loss of control to you.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Seven feels her throat tighten.  But she doesn’t want to be frightened, and if this is part of regaining her individuality...</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“We will have another such discussion in the future,” she says firmly.  “Tomorrow, 1300 hours. We will meet in Sickbay.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Kes nods, still smiling.  Again, Seven feels that strange instinct to mimic that expression.  Again, she suppresses it.  </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“I’m looking forward to it,” Kes tells her, before entering Sickbay.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Seven can only detect sincerity from her.</span>
  </em>
</p><hr/>
<p>
  <span>“I am relieved to see you here.  The Doctor was concerned that you would not attend.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Somehow, in spite of everything that has happened, Kes is able to muster a smile for Seven.  She sees Seven glance her up and down, and knows that she’s being catalogued. Which means that Seven knows that she was crying an hour ago.  She also probably knows that Kes has no intention of staying at the party, since Kes is still wearing her hydroponics work clothes.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You are upset,” Seven says.  “We can adjourn somewhere more private if you wish to discuss it.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kes nods, her heart already thumping, pumping dread through her veins.  “That would be nice, thank you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Please allow me to inform Chakotay.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>‘Chakotay’.  Not ‘the Commander’, or ‘Commander Chakotay’.  Just ‘Chakotay’. Kes keeps the grateful smile on her face, and is suddenly very, very glad that the Captain is on the other side of the room, speaking with Tom and B’Elanna.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kes isn’t oblivious, after all.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kes looks away while Seven goes and speaks to the Commander, who is at the bar with Mike Ayala.  Tom has chosen Sandrine’s as the venue for tonight’s celebration, and Kes’ heart aches with fondness.  She never did like any of the other holodeck hits quite as much, even if one of the girls from Fair Haven had been infatuated with her.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Would you prefer to remain here?” Seven asks her, once she’s returned.  “I believe that one of the corner tables will give us sufficient privacy.  If not, the cargo bay may be a more suitable venue.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“One of the corner tables should be fine,” Kes says.  She doesn’t want to do this in the cargo bay. Or her quarters.  She doesn’t want to be completely alone when she tells Seven about her decision.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As the two of them make their way to a secluded spot in the bar, Kes catches the Captain’s eye.  She gives her a reassuring nod, and Captain Janeway nods back at her. They’ve agreed that they will both leave the party after Kes has spoken with Seven, so that they can make the last-minute arrangements needed for Kes’ stay in Indiana.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Seven slides into a booth that’s hidden from most of the Voyager crew.  The booths on either side of it are empty. Kes sits across from her, trying to ignore the way her heart is suddenly thudding in her throat.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Who has upset you?” Seven asks.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kes winces before she can hide it.  Somehow, she’s forgotten that Seven still prefers to be direct.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No one,” she assures.  “Not on purpose, anyway.  I’m going to explain everything to you, I promise.  Can you wait until I indicate that I’m finished speaking?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Seven’s hard expression softens.  “I believe I can manage that,” she says, and it hurts that Kes knows her well enough to know that she’s gently teasing her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thank you,” Kes says, then takes a deep breath.  “I told you that I would always attempt to be honest with you, Seven - back when we first became friends.  But I haven’t been honest with you for a while now. Circumstances have changed drastically, however, and I’ll try to make up for it by being honest with you now.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kes pauses.  Seven’s back has gone ramrod-straight.  If she didn’t have Seven’s undivided attention before, she does now.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ve changed my plans for our arrival on Earth,” Kes says.  “I’m going to be staying with Captain Janeway’s family.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Unacceptable.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Seven,” Kes admonishes, even as her heart sinks.  “You said you would wait.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Seven’s jaw clenches, but she nods.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“The reason for this,” Kes continues, “Is because I’ve developed strong romantic feelings for you over the past year.  I was ignoring them while we were still in the Delta Quadrant. I think I was being selfish. I’m in love with you, and I know that you can’t return my feelings, but that was alright, as long as I continued to have your friendship.  But now that you’ve begun a romantic association with Commander Chakotay, I feel that I can’t ignore them anymore.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Seven looks almost like a statue, her eyes wide as she stares at Kes.  She says nothing, so Kes continues.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I understand that this might hurt you,” Kes says.  “But I’m going to need time, and distance, in order for these feelings to fade.  I want us to remain friends, Seven, but I also don’t want to feel pain when I see you and Commander Chakotay together.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Seven stands.  “Then I will discontinue my romantic association with Commander Chakotay.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, Seven - that’s not the point,” Kes says, standing and grabbing Seven’s arm.  “Please, sit back down and listen to me.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Slowly, Seven sits.  It strikes Kes, at that moment, that Seven is wearing a dress.  She looks beautiful.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Not helpful</span>
  </em>
  <span>, she tells herself.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s not the underlying problem,” Kes says.  “The problem is that my romantic feelings exist, and you can’t reciprocate them.  That’s unfair to you. I don’t want to place expectations on you that you can’t fulfill.  I need to be able to get past this before we spend more time together. I don’t want our friendship to be burdened by any guilt on your part because you can’t reciprocate my feelings.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Seven swallows, and Kes realizes that she’s close to tears.  “But my association with Commander Chakotay is causing you pain,” she states.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kes has said she won’t lie.  “It is,” she admits. “But again, that’s only part of it.  I would never let myself come between you and your chance at happiness, Seven.  This is something I can work out. It’s something I </span>
  <em>
    <span>will </span>
  </em>
  <span>work out.  I promise.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Seven looks away from Kes.  Kes is able to see a glimmer in her eyes.  “Time and distance is all you require?” she asks.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s all,” Kes says.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“How much time?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t know.  This kind of thing isn’t quantifiable, Seven.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Understood,” Seven says hoarsely.  She stands again and says stiffly, “I hope you enjoy your time at Captain Janeway’s,” and then heads back over to where Chakotay sits.  Kes remains sitting at the booth for a moment, feeling the lump in her throat getting heavier, before she turns and nods at Captain Janeway.  The Captain stands, quickly saying her farewells to the Voyager crew, before joining Kes at the holodeck entrance.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As the doors close behind them, Janeway quietly asks her, “How are you feeling?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kes waits until they’re in the turbolift again before replying.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Awful,” she whispers, and breaks down crying.<br/>
</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Part II</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Chapter two!  Again, it was the editing that really killed me with this - but I've managed to edit the entire work, so in the future chapters should come out more quickly.  Enjoy!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span>Seven falters in the doorway of the mess hall.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Most of the crew members present don’t even turn their heads at her and Kes’ entrance.  She has been on board Voyager for two months and four days, and they appear to be accustomed to her presence.  Those that do look up only do so with mild looks of curiosity on their faces, and they seem to wordlessly dismiss her, returning their attention to their meals.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Kes has stopped a few feet in front of Seven.  She’s looking back at her.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Seven?” she asks.  “We don’t have to do this today.  We can go to my quarters.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Seven shakes her head and resumes walking, leading Kes over to a table next to the viewport.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“No,” she says.  “I wish to continue with your plan for our midday meal.  But I would also like it if you explained its purpose to me.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Of course,” Kes says.  “Give me a minute to get our food.  Do you still want Nutritional Supplement 14?”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Seven nods.  </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Coming right up.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Seven distracts herself from the amount of people in the mess hall by observing Kes.  She is dressed in dark red pants and a long, loose blue-gray tunic today. She has a tendency to walk with her hands clasped either behind her or in front of her.  Seven has noted that Kes keeps her hands behind her if she is at ease, and in front of her if she is showing signs of anxiety. Right now her hands are clasped behind her as she greets Neelix.  She shares an easy conversation with him, laughs at something he says, and then comes back to their table with Seven’s nutritional supplement in one hand and a bowl of some kind of stew for herself.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Seven has found the motions of eating to be mechanical in nature, so it is easy for her to focus on something else while she dines.  </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Will I be required to interact with everyone here?” she asks.  </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>A bit of juice dribbles down Kes’ chin as she eats; Seven refrains from pointing it out to her.  She waits while Kes chews her mouthful, swallows, and then uses her napkin to dab at the juice.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“No,” she answers.  “This is to get a sense of what you’re comfortable with.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Elaborate.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Kes eats another mouthful.  Seven recognizes this as a way for Kes to gather her thoughts.  While she waits, she focuses on her own meal, only looking up when Kes speaks again.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Some people like to be around a lot of other people because they want to interact with them all,” Kes begins.  “In contrast, some people don’t like to be around other people at all. Large crowds can make them unhappy. But there are also some people in the middle, who like to be around a lot of other people simply to be around them.  They don’t want to interact. They just want the company.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“I do not see the appeal,” Seven says.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Think of it this way.”  Kes takes a moment to spoon more stew into her mouth.  “It’s a reminder that the person isn’t alone, but without the usual pressures of social interaction - the burden of maintaining a conversation with someone else.  For some people, that’s part of the appeal of eating in a place like the mess hall.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Seven frowns.  “I do not know if I will ever find that enjoyable,” she admits.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“You might not,” Kes says, shrugging.  “Some people don’t.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“What do you prefer?” Seven asks.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Kes leans back for a moment, and Seven feels a rush of... something, as she realizes that she’s managed to catch Kes by surprise.  It occurs to her that she has not yet asked Kes a question specifically about her. She thinks she should do so more often.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Well,” Kes says, putting her spoon down.  “I suppose I like being around other people.  And sometimes I do want to interact with them, but it’s usually only if they’re people I know well.  Otherwise I’d prefer to keep to myself. I like watching the people around me, but talking to strangers has always been difficult for me.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“You’ve never had any difficulty speaking to me,” Seven points out.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Kes smiles.  “You’re very easy to talk to.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Seven isn’t expecting that answer.  She tries to formulate a response to that statement, but it makes her feel small inside.  “I do not believe the rest of Voyager’s crew agrees with your assessment,” she says.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“The rest of Voyager’s crew is intimidated by you because they have certain expectations for how social interactions should be conducted, which, considering they’re a part of Starfleet, is a bit disappointing.” Kes says.  Seven isn’t expecting that level of vehemence from her. It makes her feel... a warmth, in her midsection. She watches, fascinated, as Kes takes a deep breath, exhales, then continues.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“You never had the chance to learn certain cues and signals that exist beyond words or phrases,” Kes says.  “I think that most of the crew is aware of this, but they don’t necessarily know how to handle it. That’s on them, not you.  I think they’ll adapt, given time. You can’t expect them to completely shift their social habits to match yours, but they shouldn’t expect yours to completely shift to match theirs, either.  I think everyone will be able to meet you in the middle, eventually.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Please indicate if I have understood correctly,” Seven says.  “You believe that a part of my social lessons will involve the crew compromising with me, as well as me compromising with the crew?”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Yes.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Seven looks down at her plate.  She has finished three-quarters of her meal, but the last of it remains untouched.  “Is there a possibility that I will never completely be able to... adapt to standard human parameters?”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“There is,” Kes says.  “Seven, please look at me.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Seven does so.  </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“It’s alright if you don’t,” Kes says firmly.  “I’m never going to adapt to standard human parameters either.  Neither will Commander Tuvok. Or Lieutenant Torres. From what I’ve heard, there are plenty of humans out there who won’t, either.  But Captain Janeway tells me that that’s a key part of the Federation: understanding and accepting the differences between the many people living in it.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Seven swallows, but the warmth in her midsection doesn’t go away.  </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“I understand,” she says.  “Thank you.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Kes smiles, says, “You’re welcome,” and digs into her stew with renewed gusto.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <span>Kes sits on the couch in her quarters.  She’s staring at the small pile of boxes that contain her belongings.  There are three boxes in total - one for her clothes, one for the various little souvenirs she’s picked up over the years, and one for a blanket that the Captain replicated for her the previous evening.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s the middle of winter,” Captain Janeway said, handing it to her.  “And as lovely as my mother’s house is, it can be drafty. You’re going to want this, especially at night.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kes is wearing her heaviest clothes now, but that isn’t saying much.  She grew up in a climate controlled environment, and the best she has is a long-sleeve shirt with a thick fabric, a leather vest, and padded trousers.  The Captain has promised to take her shopping after they arrive.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>On top of the pile of boxes is her orchid - one that Tuvok helped her breed, in the latter years of their journey.  Its petals are white with orange streaks, and somehow it has kept her company in her quarters all these years. She had placed it on top of her things reverently, suddenly loathe to let it out of her sight.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Now, she waits.  They’re supposed to land on Earth in about an hour.  Excitement and dread are churning in her gut; a large part of her wishes Neelix were here to experience this with her.  It doesn’t quite feel right that he isn’t - that he was with Voyager for so long, only to leave just before the end of their journey.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She knows he’s happy, though.  She’s accepted that.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The door chime breaks her reverie.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Come in,” she calls.  She doesn’t know who would be visiting her right now - the Captain is busy, as is the Doctor, and Seven has so far made good on her promise of distance, so who -?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Commander,” she says, standing.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Good morning Kes,” he greets, smiling.  She wonders if she’s imagining the tension in his shoulders.  “I hope I’m not disturbing you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re not,” she assures him.  “Can I get you anything to drink?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, thank you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She invites him to sit on her sofa, which he accepts.  Whatever he’s here for, it’s not a quick question. Unsure of what else to do, Kes sinks back down onto the couch as well, twisting her hands in her lap.  She has a feeling that she knows why the Commander is here, and it’s making her nervous.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kes isn’t as close to the Commander as she is to the Captain.  While most of the crew prefer to go to Chakotay when they need to discuss personal matters with an impartial party, Kes has never had a problem with approaching Captain Janeway.  The Captain has always been patient and kind with her, even in the later years of the journey, when the Delta Quadrant began to take its toll on them all.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Even so, she’d like to think that she and the Commander are friends, or something close to it.  They’ve never had any trouble making conversation. She enjoys spending time with him at parties.  He’s worked with her a few times when her telekinetic abilities were harder to handle, when Tuvok wasn’t available.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He’s taking too long to say anything.  He’s just standing there, giving her a measured look.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Is there something I can help you with, Commander?” she asks.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He takes another step forward.  “I’m hoping I can help you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kes trusts the Commander, and she knows that he’s a good person.  That being said, she’s not about to confess her feelings for Seven to the man that Seven is dating.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t know what you mean,” she says, adopting a puzzled look.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The Commander takes another few steps forward and sits at the other end of her couch.  Kes forces her shoulders to relax. It doesn’t seem like the Commander to force the issue, but then she’s never had a truly personal discussion with him before.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Seven tells me you’ll be staying with Captain Janeway during our leave,” he states.  “That’s an abrupt change of plans.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I chose to do so for personal reasons,” she says with a calm she doesn’t feel.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“May I ask why?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kes lets out a breath at that; obviously, in spite of the fact that Seven must have been upset - why else would he be here? - she didn’t tell the Commander anything about Kes’ reasons for needing some distance.  She feels guilty after that; why did she assume that Seven would confess all of her secrets to Chakotay? She trusts Seven. Doesn’t she?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, Commander,” she says, still too calm.  She looks at him. “You can’t. We’ll be landing soon.  You should probably be on the bridge.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He doesn’t move.  “Seven tried not to show it, but she was very upset by your decision.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kes closes her eyes.  “I know.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>For a moment, she thinks about all the plans she and Seven made for their arrival on Earth.  It started as an idle discussion between the two - Kes commenting that one day she’d like to try real, fresh ice cream, rather than the replicated kind.  Seven admitted that she wanted to try it too, and it snowballed into promises to try different foods together, to go see different architectural feats, to go swimming somewhere that wasn’t a holodeck.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It’s going to be a while before they get the chance to do all of those things.  Kes clenches her fists.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Kes?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She opens her eyes again, this time refusing to look at him.  “I think you’d better go, Commander.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Chakotay doesn’t move for a few moments.  Then he gets to his feet and slowly makes his way to her door.  He pauses in front of it, half turned towards her like he wants to say something else, but he ends up leaving without saying anything.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kes sits on her couch, staring at her pile of belongings, and waits.</span>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“You are late.”  Seven pauses. “But, as I understand you and the Doctor were dealing with an illness that some crew members contracted during our most recent shore leave, I can ignore that.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Thanks,” Kes says.  She’s been on the move all day, mostly switching out buckets of puke.  It means a lot that Seven’s being understanding about this, especially since Kes feels like she might keel over at any moment.  She’s glad that her Ocampan physiology renders the virus harmless to her, otherwise she suspects she’d been hunched over a bucket like the others in Sickbay.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Seven is standing at the edge of the pool in Neelix’s resort simulation, wearing a wetsuit that’s not unlike the biosuits she normally wears.  Kes is dressed similarly, having hurried to her quarters to change before coming here.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“I am uncertain as to our purpose here,” Seven says.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“I wanted to learn how to swim,” Kes replies, heading towards the water and dipping a toe in.  “I wanted you to come with me. You’re welcome to learn too, if you want, but if you’d prefer you could just watch instead.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“I was under the impression that this was another social lesson,” Seven says.  “Not a swimming lesson.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Kes turns around to face Seven.  “Seven, I’d like to be your friend as well as your social instructor.  I like you. I like spending time with you. I’m hoping you’d be okay with the two of us spending recreational time together.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Seven opens her mouth, closes it, then opens it again.  “I’m... not certain I’m ready to be a good friend.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Don’t worry,” Kes assures her.  “It’s not a question of being ready.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Seven has had some difficulty learning that the benefits of social interaction aren’t something that can be quantified, but Kes thinks she’s starting to catch on.  For the first time, Seven smiles at her - a real smile, one that reminds her a bit of the Captain.  </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“I would like to be your friend as well,” Seven says.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Kes beams at her.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, it’s beautiful,” Kes breathes.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They’ve materialized in front of a house.  At least, Kes assumes it’s a house. It’s nothing like any of the places she’s ever lived - not even on Ocampa.  The house is large, but not immense like any of the buildings that Kes saw in San Francisco. She can imagine a family living comfortably here.  It’s built from wood, and painted white.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>What’s more incredible, in Kes’ eyes, is the surroundings.  There’s so much </span>
  <em>
    <span>space </span>
  </em>
  <span>around it, rolling hills that are occasionally dotted by other houses.  There’s a large tree in the front yard. The sun is beginning to set already, casting an orange glow over both the house and its surroundings, and everything is covered in a thick layer of snow.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kes is unable to do more than stand there, drinking it in.  The cold air nips at her face, but she barely notices.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The Doctor is next to her; he, at least, has the presence of mind to turn to their host and say, “Mrs. Janeway, you have a lovely home.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Gretchen Janeway laughs.  “Why thank you, Doctor. And you, Kes, though I see you’re still trying to take in the sights.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kes shakes herself, turning to apologize.  Before she can, Gretchen holds up a hand.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Now, now,” she says.  “Don’t worry about it. It’s very flattering that you’re rendered speechless by our humble home.  Kathryn, you should take these two into town tomorrow. If their expressions are anything to go by, they’d love to see more.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I think that’s a wonderful idea,” Captain Janeway says.  She hasn’t taken her eyes off the house yet. Kes smiles, happy to see the Captain so affected by returning home.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, come on, everyone!” Gretchen says, clapping her hands.  “Hop to! It’s cold out here, and I want to give you the tour.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kes lets Gretchen usher them into the house, drinking in everything she sees.  The large clock in the front room, the different colors of paint on the walls, the smell - some kind of spice, she thinks.  The lights give off more of a golden glow than any of the lights on Voyager. The railing next to the stairs is carved with swirling patterns.  All the details are fascinating.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And this is where you’ll be staying, Kes,” Gretchen says, leading them to a bedroom at the back of the house.  “It used to be Kathryn’s sister’s room, but she’s not going to be here for a few days yet. And don’t worry, I’m not kicking you out once she gets here; I’m sure she and Kathryn can stand to share.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Goody,” Kathryn mutters.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Gretchen throws a wink at Kes, who puts a hand to her mouth to stifle her giggle.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The tour continues in the same way, with Kathryn and Gretchen bantering good-naturedly with each other as they show the Doctor and Kes around the house.  Kes thinks that the Doctor is laying the flattery on a bit thick, but Gretchen seems to eat it up, beaming whenever he compliments a decoration or color choice.  The Captain simply rolls her eyes in the background.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I know your things are being beamed over soon,” Gretchen says, once the tour is over.  “In the meantime, I made caramel brownies.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kes stifles another giggle at the way the Captain straightens, her eyes lighting up.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The four of them end up sitting in the living room, in front of the fireplace, with three of them eating brownies (the Doctor stares wistfully, so Kes tries to explain what it tastes like to him), and sipping from hot drinks.  Kes is getting her first taste of homemade hot chocolate, while Kathryn is already on her second cup of coffee. Most of the conversation is between the Captain and Gretchen, with Gretchen filling the Captain in on what’s been happening in her absence.  Kes doesn’t mind; she’s content simply listening, smiling at all the strangeness of human life.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It’s a nice way to spend the evening, until she thinks, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Seven would love this hot chocolate.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The next swallow of her drink goes down into her stomach like a stone.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kes doesn’t want to start crying in front of Gretchen, the Doctor, or the Captain, so she takes a few deep breaths in order to keep the tears at bay.  She hasn’t had a moment like this yet, where the ache at their sudden estrangement creeps up on her and surprises her. She wonders how many times she’s going to feel this way before her feelings for Seven start to fade.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Gretchen eventually begs off, saying that she isn’t as young as she used to be (“Not that anyone would know by looking at you,” the Doctor interjects, prompting a snort from Kes).  The Doctor eventually deactivates himself as well; Kes has a feeling that he’s not sure what to do with himself here, without any of the equipment he was used to on Voyager. That just leaves her and the Captain.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I hope this isn’t too overwhelming for you,” Kathryn says, gesturing at their surroundings.  “It’s a big change from Voyager, and from most of the planets we’ve visited.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It is,” Kes admits.  “But it’s wonderful, too.  Earth really is a beautiful place, Captain.  I’m excited to finally see it.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Kathryn,” she corrects.  “I’m not the captain here, Kes.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Kathryn,” Kes concedes.  It’s a little strange, but she thinks she can get used to it.  It helps that Kathryn’s changed into a pair of fuzzy pajamas.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“How are you feeling?” Kathryn asks, and Kes knows that she isn’t just talking about adjusting to being on Earth.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kes sets down her drink; it’s gone cold.  “I had a bad moment, a little while ago,” she admits.  “I keep thinking about all the things Seven and I were hoping to do together once we got here.  We were both nervous about arriving in the Alpha Quadrant, but since we were both going into the unknown... I think that helped, a bit.  Only now...”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Now you’re here,” the Captain says.  “And Seven’s in Sweden.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kes ducks her head.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What if I made a mistake?” Kes whispers, pressing the heels of her hands into her eyes.  “I told Seven we would stay friends, but... what if this distance ends up destroying our friendship?  Did I do the right thing, by telling her we couldn’t spend time together? I can’t help but think that she doesn’t truly understand why I chose to do this.  I don’t know if she’ll forgive me for it.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kathryn doesn’t answer right away, instead propping her chin on her hand and staring into the fireplace for a few long moments.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I think you did what you had to do, Kes,” she says.  There’s a quiet certainty in her voice. “And I think Seven does understand.  You two were always so close on Voyager - you know each other very well. Seven’s made leaps and bounds over the years.  I doubt she’s happy about your decision, but I don’t think she’ll be willing to sacrifice your friendship because of it.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kes lets out a sob.  “And now I’m gonna cry again,” she says.  “If I did the right thing, why can’t I stop feeling awful about it?  Why do I feel worse than I did when Neelix left the ship?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kes hears a rustling sound, and then feels Kathryn tentatively pulling her into a hug.  This is the second time now that she’s cried on Kathryn’s shoulder, but she can’t seem to stop herself.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I hate this,” she chokes out.  “I don’t know what feels worse - the fact that she doesn’t love me back, or the fact that we’re not getting to do all the things we promised we’d do together.  I... I wanted to be with her when we saw snow for the first time.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She pulls back a bit; Kathryn pulls back too, but rubs her shoulder a few times.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’ve seen snow before,” Kathryn points out.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes,” Kes admits.  “But not on Earth.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Maybe,” Kathryn concedes.  “But that doesn’t mean you’ll never get the chance to see it with her.  It’s like you said, Kes - you have to give it time. You’re not going to get over your feelings overnight.  You have to be patient with yourself, and give yourself time to heal.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The Captain is right, as always.  Kes takes a few more gulps of air, and feels exhaustion start to seep into her.  It’s been a long day, and she’s just now starting to realize how appealing the bed Gretchen had shown her is.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m going to get some sleep,” she says.  “Thank you for listening, Cap - Kathryn.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kathryn smiles gently.  “You’re always welcome, Kes.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As Kes gets up to leave the room, she pauses in the doorway.  She watches Kathryn for a moment, as the smile slips off her face.  She stares into the fire, and Kes doesn’t think she’s imagining the tear tracks reflected by its light.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She wonders, not for the first time, if Kathryn has spoken to anyone about her own heartbreak.  She’s not completely sure, but she thinks the answer is ‘no’.</span>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“It’s remarkable, isn’t it?”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Chakotay follows Kathryn’s gaze over to a corner of the mess hall.  Kes and Seven are sitting across from one another, their empty plates having long since been scraped clean of food.  Whatever they’re talking about, it has Kes gesticulating fervently, her face open and animated as she speaks to Seven.  </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>It’s Seven who surprises him more; rather than listening with a neutral expression, as she often does when interacting with the crew, she appears wholly engrossed in the conversation, her mouth hanging open slightly as she listens and occasionally nods.  She’s leaning forward in her chair, her gaze fixed on Kes. She says something when Kes pauses, causing Kes to burst out laughing.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Almost a year with us,” Kathryn continues, and Chakotay looks back at her, reminding himself that it’s rude to stare.  “Look how far she’s come.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“I have to admit,” Chakotay says.  “Of all the people she’d grow close to on Voyager, I didn’t expect Kes to be one of them.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Neither did I,” Kathryn says, “but look at them.  Seven is completely comfortable with her. I’ve never seen her like that.  Especially since she just guided Voyager through that nebula all on her own; she was very shaken up by that.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“What she did was incredibly brave,” Chakotay points out.  “It doesn’t seem that strange that she would reach out to her friend for comfort after an experience like that.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Kathryn’s gaze darts back over to the corner.  Her eyes widen, and Chakotay can’t stop himself from looking again.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>The Doctor told him and Kathryn that Seven would need a few days to recover fully from her ordeal, and Seven had not reacted well to the idea that she might need assistance.  Yet Chakotay watches now, stunned, as Seven allows Kes to help her out of her chair. It’s barely a moment - a split second where Kes takes her weight, before both women straighten up and exit the mess hall.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Just a moment, but it’s there.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“I’m glad they have each other,” Kathryn says.  She’s smiling, now; her face is almost radiant with it.  “I was a little bit worried about how Kes would adjust to her powers after we encountered Species 8472, but I think having Seven around gave her something else to focus on.  And Seven couldn’t have found a more patient, kind person to be her first friend.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Chakotay chuckles.  “I think you have something to do with her progress, too,” he says.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Well, I’ve certainly tried.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>They finish the rest of their meal in silence.  Chakotay finds himself going over previous interactions between Kes and Seven in his mind.  When they’re working, their areas of expertise don’t often overlap, but he’s noticed that Kes is often in Astrometrics when she has free time from Sickbay or Hydroponics.  Seven has, more than once, praised Kes’ photographic memory as an ‘asset to Voyager’s collective’. Kes once mentioned, offhandedly, that she and Seven have scheduled weekly time on the holodeck together.  And while Seven still hasn’t quite learned not to interrupt people thoughtlessly, she has never once done so to Kes.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>His own reservations about Seven’s presence aboard Voyager appear to be unfounded, in spite of a few incidents early on.  Even if she does still present a danger, he doesn’t think he would advocate for her leaving. She’s made a mark on the crew, and people are used to having her around.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>His thoughts are interrupted by Kathryn rising from her chair.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Coffee and reports?” she asks.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Ah yes,” he replies, also standing.  “My favorite pasttime.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“I’m sure the hours will whizz by, Commander.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>She clears up their dishes and places them in the recycler.  Chakotay focuses his mind on the work ahead of them, and follows Kathryn out.</span>
  </em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Part III</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I keep forgetting that I have this sitting in my drafts.  I blame quarantine.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Kes is fuming.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She’s doing her best to hide it.  It’s vital that she makes a good first impression, as the first Ocampa to meet with Federation officials.  Or Starfleet officials, to be more precise. She keeps her hands folded neatly in her lap, and she keeps her tone measured when speaking.  Her debriefings have only been going for a few days, and so far they seem to have been going very well.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Then the questions about her powers start.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The Admiral on the left - Nechayev - leans forward.  “You say that your mental abilities are under complete control, but your actions after the incident with Species 8472 would seem to indicate otherwise.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It takes everything in Kes for her voice not to shake when she replies.  “With all due respect, Admiral, that was four years ago. I have not had an incident where I lost control since that time.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The questions are innocent enough at the start.  They want to know her limits and her capabilities, what she usually uses them for, and details on the times when she hasn’t been in complete control of herself.  It’s to be expected, but at some point the tone has shifted. About half of the admirals in the room have indicated, in some way or another, that they believe that she’s still a danger to other people.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She tries not to ball her hands into fists.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Very well,” Nechayev says.  “If you are in complete control, as you say, then why did you not use them to send Voyager home yourself?  Surely if you did so once, you could do so again.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kes takes a deep breath.  Captain Janeway warned her about Nechayev - that she’s a sharp woman, who doesn’t like to leave anything to chance.  Even so, Kes thought (foolishly) that Nechayev would take little interest in her. Both she and Captain Janeway were more worried about the admiralty’s stance on the former Maquis.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“My abilities are under control because there are certain lines I refuse to cross,” she says.  “Much like the Federation has its Prime Directive to guide it in making decisions that could affect entire cultures, I have my own set of rules regarding my abilities.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And what are these rules?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>This, at least, is easy to explain.  “I don’t allow myself to use my mental abilities at all, beyond my passive sense of the people around me.  Vague impressions, not thoughts. My telekinetic abilities are limited to healing only, and even then only if a patient is in immediate danger of dying and can be saved no other way.  That’s all I permit myself to do. Any more would be dangerous.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Dangerous how?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kes feels like she’s going in circles.  “Dangerous because I don’t know what the consequences will be if I exert myself that much.  Maybe I could have attempted to bring Voyager back to Earth sooner, but it’s just as likely that I’d have torn the ship apart in my attempt.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Admiral Paris speaks next.  “Miss Kes, have you ever been tempted to use your powers beyond your set rules?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He at least asks the question more kindly than Nechayev would have.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes, several times,” Kes admits.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Can you tell us why you refrained anyway?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Because I had faith in Voyager’s crew,” she answers, relaxing a bit.  “We were a team, and we all worked together to make sure everyone stayed safe, and to get everyone back to the Alpha Quadrant.  Certainly, there were moments where I wondered if I could help by exerting my abilities a bit more, but in the end the problem was solved anyway.  That’s all there is to it.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Temptation is a strong thing,” Nechayev says.  “Can you truly say that you will never, in the future, use your powers beyond your rules in the future?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kes’ mood plummets again.  “No, Admiral.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Nechayev nods once.  Several of the other admirals glance at each other, and Kes prays that this will be the last day of her debriefings.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Admiral Hayes clears his throat.  “Thank you, Miss Kes,” he says. “That ends today’s session.  Report at 1000 hours tomorrow for further debriefing.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kes forces out a smile and an agreement, waiting until the last admiral has filed out of the room before she groans and sags in her chair.  She gets the feeling that they’re going to keep grilling her on this, and that Nechayev in particular won’t be convinced that she’s ‘safe’. They haven’t decided to quarantine her yet, so she’s free to return to Gretchen’s house, but she wonders if that’s what’s in store for her here.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She feels a twinge of sympathy for Captain Janeway.  She knows that the Captain is probably being grilled on her mental abilities as well, along with every other issue related to their in the Delta Quadrant.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kes is still fuming as she heads out of the conference room.  She barely notices the curious stares she gets from the Starfleet personnel she walks past as she heads down the hall.  More than one person has stopped her and asked to speak with her about life on Ocampa and in the Delta Quadrant; the people who do so have always been genuine and kind, but right now the last thing she wants to do is talk to anyone.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It’s ironic that Admiral Paris asked her about temptations.  She’s tempted right now - tempted to make the window next to her vibrate apart.  The temptation vanishes almost instantly, however, when a Starfleet cadet, humming an off-key tune, strides past her.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The next temptation is to reach out, to see if she can absorb a bit of the cadet’s cheer.  But that, too, is against her rules.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The first day of her debriefings, Kes had to be escorted to and from the transport station on Starfleet grounds.  Thanks to her excellent memory, that’s no longer the case. In the past, the walk there calmed her, giving her some much needed time to herself, but today Admiral Nechayev’s words keep echoing in her head.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kes is so caught up in her thoughts that, as she’s crossing through the foyer of Starfleet HQ, she bumps into someone.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Quickly, she sidesteps.  “I’m sorry, I -”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Her words die in her throat.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kes immediately folds her hands together in front of her, feeling her shoulders hunch.  Seven, who she’s bumped into, looks equally uncomfortable. She refrains from drawing up to her full height, for which Kes is grateful, but it’s a near thing.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Beside her, Commander Chakotay glances between the two of them.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I must also apologize,” Seven says.  Her eyes dart over to Chakotay, making it clear what was distracting her from Kes’ approach.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kes manages a weak smile.  “It’s alright, Seven. I, um... I’m sorry to run off, but Gretchen is expecting me, and...”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“When?” Chakotay asks abruptly.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m sorry, Commander?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You can call me ‘Chakotay’, you know,” he says, offering her a gentle smile.  “But I was asking when Mrs. Janeway is expecting you. We’re about to have lunch - you’re welcome to join us.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Judging by the sharp look Seven sends Chakotay, she had no intention of asking that.  Kes doesn’t know if she should feel grateful that Seven is keeping to their agreement, or upset that Seven doesn’t seem to want to spend time with her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It’s irrational.  That doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I wouldn’t want to impose,” Kes hedges.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You are upset,” Seven says abruptly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kes blinks.  Sometimes, even she forgets just how perceptive Seven has become over the years.  She weighs the benefits of being honest about her frustrations with the debriefings, as well as the benefits of simply insisting that she’s fine and high-tailing it back to Indiana.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kes feels her shoulders droop a little bit more.  “I am,” she admits.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Seven’s mouth twists.  “I presume that you do not wish for our company at this time.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>On the contrary, Kes wants nothing more to confide in Seven about all the doubts that Nechayev’s words have invoked in her, but she also knows that rescinding their agreement this early is just going to hurt them both in the long run.  Still, she at least wants Seven to know that it isn’t her fault.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I was a little bit blindsided in my debriefing today,” she explains.  “That’s all.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Chakotay frowns.  “They’ve been grilling you for four days?  That’s more than most of the crew.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“They’re expecting me again tomorrow.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kes watches as Chakotay’s expression grows more alarmed.  Seven, on the other hand, looks as though she’s having some kind of argument with herself, before she finally speaks again.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I am willing to suspend our agreement, if you need to speak about it,” Seven says.  Kes is a little surprised to see her shoot a warning glance at Chakotay. “Privately.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It’s tempting.  For all that her unrequited love for Seven has hurt, Kes is at least used to that; the temporary loss of their friendship has been far more painful, though the ache has slowly started to dull, thanks to her weeks spent at the Janeway household.  And she knows that Seven will likely understand her frustration regarding the debriefings, since Seven is in a similar situation.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Chakotay will too, and she knows that he deserves to know what’s happening to her just as much as Kathryn does.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No,” she says, taking a deep breath.  “Chakotay should hear this as well.” Calling him by his name is even stranger than calling the captain by hers.  “Where were you two thinking of going for lunch?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They end up at a small, homey cafe on the waterfront, close to Starfleet grounds.  Kes orders the spiciest soup they have on the menu, suddenly longing for Talaxian cuisine.  They sit at a table outside, rather than taking a booth indoors, in spite of the fact that a fog has rolled in over San Francisco.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It hasn’t escaped Kes’ notice that Seven is refraining from being affectionate with Chakotay in front of her.  It hasn’t escaped Chakotay’s notice, either, judging by the curious looks he’s shooting Seven. She thinks that the reason Seven has marched to this table rather than a booth is so that she and the Commander aren’t sitting together on one side while Kes sits alone on the other.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She hates to admit it, but she’s grateful.  Even with Seven’s self-imposed restrictions, she finds herself longing for the Doctor’s company.  Conversations with him are rarely awkward.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And this conversation is certainly that.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kes knows that the ‘ball is in her court’, to use one of Tom’s phrases, but that doesn’t make it easy for her to talk.  Her stomach is twisting itself into knots again. By the time her soup arrives, she’s not really hungry, but the movements of eating give her something to do other than talk, and the spice level is another excuse to stay silent.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Seven and Chakotay both finish eating before she does, and are clearly waiting for her to speak.  The longer they sit, the more Kes believes this to be a mistake. She should’ve declined. She should’ve just gone back to Indiana.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Too late, now.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Not wanting to go into too much detail, she finally puts her spoon down and says, “The admiralty are questioning my control.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Seven’s brow furrows.  “But you have not had an incident in over four years.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It almost makes Kes laugh, the way Seven is echoing her own thoughts.  She settles for a rueful smile instead.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No,” she says.  “But the potential is there, and they know it.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You were very exacting in setting your rules,” Seven argues, more sharply.  “A lesser individual might have deviated from that course over our time on Voyager, but you never did.  Not once. That the admiralty has the audacity to question your control now, when you are finally comfortable -”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She stops speaking abruptly, eyeing Chakotay out of the corner of her eye.  Kes realizes that Seven is referencing discussions that they’ve always had in private, in a quiet corner of the mess hall or near the end of their holodeck time together.  She’s touched that Seven is so considerate of her privacy.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s fine, Seven,” she says, then looks at the Commander, and is briefly startled by the knowing look in his eye.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She shakes herself.  “I’ll probably always be uneasy about my capabilities,” she says, making it clear that she’s addressing both of them.  “But I was beginning to make some peace with them, when we arrived in the Alpha Quadrant. The admiralty are... reopening some old wounds, so to speak.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She doesn’t talk about the first few weeks after her worst loss of control - how she would often wake up in the middle of the night, terrified that she would lose control in her dreams somehow.  How no amount of meditation could rid her of her unease, and she’d found herself sobbing quietly in her quarters at 0200 hours more than once, unable to sleep because she couldn’t trust herself. She hasn’t told anyone about those days, not even Seven.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kes wonders if the sleepless nights are going to start again.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hopefully tomorrow will be the last day,” Chakotay says.  “My advice? Keep being honest about this, Kes. If they haven’t assigned you some kind of security detail, they’re unlikely to start doing so now.  I think they can see that you’re a remarkable, kind, and caring person, and if they’re smart, they’ll let this go.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kes feels the sting of tears in her eyes, and blinks them away; she’s had enough crying over the past few weeks.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thank you, Chakotay,” she says, thankful that her voice doesn’t break.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He nods.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The conversation drifts into something more casual.  Kes mostly just listens while Seven and Chakotay talk about touring Stockholm, ignoring the pang of jealousy she feels.  She doesn’t miss the way they smile at each other when recounting a certain memory, and she starts messing around with the napkin in her lap while they talk, suddenly eager for their lunch to be over.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Seven is the first to stand.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“My next session is about to begin,” she says.  This time, she glances guiltily at Kes before giving Chakotay a quick kiss on the cheek and a smile.  Chakotay smiles back, dimples and all, and Kes has to look away from them.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I will see you in a few hours,” Seven says.  She pauses next to Kes, looking down at her, dwarfing Kes with her height.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I assume that our agreement is resumed,” Seven tells her.  “I am... sorry.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Seven,” Kes replies.  She wants to put a hand on Seven’s arm, but she stops herself.  “I’ve said before: it isn’t your fault. It’s mine.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She expects Seven to give her a curt nod and then go on her way, but to her surprise Seven’s eyebrows crease in anger, and she snaps, “It does not feel that way.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Seven marches away before Kes can say anything else.  Kes knows, with absolute, blinding clarity, that she </span>
  <em>
    <span>needs </span>
  </em>
  <span>to leave, needs to go home and regroup.  She stands up too, prepared to make her excuses and exit quickly, but before she can Chakotay stops her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“One moment, Kes,” he says.  “I wanted to talk to you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kes pauses, then sinks back down into her seat.  She somehow manages to make eye contact with Chakotay, and sees only concern there.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Speaking as Voyager’s unofficial counsellor,” he says, “It doesn’t seem like your agreement is good for either of you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I would say it’s too early to tell,” Kes counters.  Her temper is beginning to fray. “And quite frankly, it’s none of your business.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He doesn’t look taken aback by her sudden hostility.  He regards her evenly. Kes is losing patience, and wants to escape this conversation as soon as possible, so she says the first thing she can think of to divert his curiosity.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Have you spoken to the Captain since we got to Earth?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“A few times,” he replies mildly.  “Why do you ask?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Talking about the crew doesn’t count.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The lines around his eyes tighten.  It’s barely noticeable, but it’s there.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Now I know you’ve been spending time with Kathryn,” he says.  It doesn’t sound like a compliment.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“If you’ll excuse me.”  Her hands are shaking. She stands up again, turning to leave the cafe.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Seven cares for you very deeply, you know.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His words stop her, and she curses herself for a moment.  She should’ve known that he would’ve seen through her attempt at distracting him.  She turns around to stare at him, but she doesn’t sit down this time.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She just wants to leave.  Maybe that’s why the words slip out.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I care for her too,” she tells him, her tone flat.  “But not in the same way she cares for me.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kes leaves before either of them can say anything else.  She uses the walk to the transport station to meditate, and by the time she gets there, she’s looking forward to helping Gretchen make brownies.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And if her hands are still shaking when she dematerializes, well, what difference does it make?</span>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Kes, there’s... something we need to discuss.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Without looking up from her simulation, Kes answers, “Of course, Doctor.  What is it?”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Kes is good at multitasking, but right now her experiment is in a critical phase - she can’t afford to divide her attention.  She makes a noise of happiness when the plant in her simulation begins to flourish, and fat, ripe oranges start to grow from its branches.  It’s something that they haven’t been able to grow before, and she knows Neelix will be ecstatic; he’s always wanted to try making orange juice.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“... regarding your physiology.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>The last few of the Doctor’s words finally register, and Kes blinks, ending her simulation and turning to the Doctor.  They’re in the holodeck right now - they sometimes come down here in order to do research, and because they enjoy working together.  Kes likes to bounce ideas off of him. It helps her focus.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>The Doctor is in a holographic version of sickbay, right next to Kes’ custom genetics lab.  He’s frowning at something on one of his displays.  </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“I’m sorry, Doctor, can you say that again?” Kes asks.  “My mind was elsewhere.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“It’s alright,” he reassures her.  “I must say, I’m happy that you were successful in your genetically modified orange simulation.  But I digress - You’re nearly six years old now, correct?”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Yes.  Why do you ask?”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>The Doctor sighs.  “I haven’t spoken with you about this before because I didn’t want to tell you anything based on pure speculation, but...”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“But?”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“You never experienced another resurgence of the Elogium, correct?”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Kes blinks.  If she’s being honest with herself, she hasn’t thought about the Elogium in ages.  Not that she’s really had the time - having to hide from Devore inspectors has only been the latest in a line of tribulations.  And as time has passed, and she’s settled into several firm friendships among Voyager’s crew, she hasn’t felt the same yearning for a partner or a child that she once did.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“That’s right,” she says.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“I guessed as much,” the Doctor replies.  His frown deepens, and he pulls up something else on his display.  “This is your latest medical scan, on a cellular level. You recall we agreed to do more comprehensive scans as we assumed you were headed into the latter years of your life.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Kes can only nod.  She hasn’t thought much about that either, lately.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>She examines the scan briefly, then looks at the Doctor.  “I’m not sure what’s wrong.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“I’m not sure if it’s correct to say anything </span>
  </em>
  <span>is </span>
  <em>
    <span>wrong,” he tells her.  “But to put it succinctly - your cells haven’t decayed at all.  They’re in the same state that they were in when you hit your second birthday.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Kes lets that sink in, then says, “But... that shouldn’t be possible.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“You told me that your mother showed signs of aging when she was approximately six years old,” he says.  “But even if you didn’t show any sign of aging on the surface, your cells should still be starting to decay.  Maybe not much, but that’s what I would expect from an average Ocampan female. I thought you had a right to know that something’s changed.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Kes stares blankly at the results.  Joy and confusion are warring within her in equal measure.  Of course she’s thrilled by the possibility that she might get to spend more time among the crew she’s grown to love, but there’s a part of her that rebels against the thought of living beyond the lifespan of the rest of her people.  It feels... alien.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“I do have a theory,” the Doctor admits.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Kes stays silent, still reeling.  He takes that as permission to continue.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“We know that the Ocampans who lived under the guidance of Suspiria had an extended lifespan as a result of their telepathic abilities.  We also know that you’ve extended your own abilities far beyond what most Ocampans were capable of. It’s possible that this is a side-effect of your control.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Kes closes the display, not wanting to look at it anymore.  “So... then, when will I...?”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>The Doctor sighs.  “I suppose we won’t know until it starts happening.  I realize that that doesn’t make anything easier.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Kes nods woodenly, lowering her eyes to the floor.  She nearly jumps when the Doctor puts his hand on her shoulder.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Well, I, for one, am grateful,” he tells her.  His eyes are sincere.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>She manages a weak smile in return.  </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Once they’ve both cleaned up their workspaces, they leave the holodeck.  Kes bids the Doctor farewell as he heads back to Sickbay. She wanders in a daze after that; she has an hour of free time before she’s due back in Sickbay herself.  Her feet take her to the turbolift, and she doesn’t even know what deck number she calls out, but the next thing she knows, she’s standing outside of Astrometrics.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Kes pauses, her hand hovering over the door chime.  Seven’s probably busy, but Captain Janeway has her shift on the Bridge right now, so she can’t talk to her.  Taking a deep breath, she presses the chime. The worst that can happen is that Seven sends her away.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Enter,” she hears.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Seven is alone.  It’s been a quiet few days aboard Voyager, while they travel through a region of uninhabited space, and Seven has taken the time to study some of the nearby stellar phenomena.  She glances over her shoulder at Kes as she approaches, and she must see something in Kes’ eyes, because her hands halt above her console.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“You are troubled,” Seven deduces.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“A little,” Kes admits, approaching the console.  She stares down at it without really seeing it. “What are you working on?”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Seven’s raised eyebrow tells Kes that she doesn’t for one second believe that Kes is genuinely interested, but she explains anyway.  “I’m examining a nearby solar system. Its sun gives off a radiation signature that I’ve never seen before. Because of it, the planets surrounding it are... unique.  They support nitrogen-breathing life forms instead of oxygen-breathing life forms.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Sounds fascinating,” Kes murmurs.  </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Seven’s still eyeing her skeptically.  Abruptly, she asks, “Would you like a hug?”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Kes blinks.  “But... you don’t like physical contact.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Ordinarily not,” Seven agrees.  “But I have recently reassessed that aspect of my personality, and I think I would be comfortable if contact was made with you.  I also know that you enjoy hugs from Captain Janeway or Neelix when you are feeling ‘down’.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Kes swallows.  “I would like a hug, thank you.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Seven’s arms come around her a bit awkwardly, but Kes doesn’t mind; she’s happy to loop her arms around Seven’s back and squeeze gently, burying her face in Seven’s shoulder.  She can feel that Seven’s muscles are tensed up, but they relax after a few seconds, and Seven’s arms tighten around her slightly.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Kes is reluctant to pull apart, but she doesn’t want to push.  She carefully steps back, letting her arms drop to her sides.  </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Thanks,” she says again.  “I needed that.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“You are welcome,” Seven replies, then adds, more thoughtfully, “It was... pleasant.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>They stand in silence for a few moments, then Kes blurts, “The Doctor told me I’m not aging as expected.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Seven doesn’t seem surprised by that.  “You do not show the signs of a standard Ocampan lifespan, no.  Do you find this discomfiting?”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“A little.”  At Seven’s skeptical look, she adds, “Okay, a lot.  I don’t... I know that it would be sad for everyone if I pass away in the next couple of years, but now I’m finding out that no one has any idea when that will happen.  Most likely I’ll live to be the same as the Ocampans who were living with Suspiria, but... what if it’s longer than that? What if my powers keep expanding, keep getting stronger?  What if I end up outliving even humans?”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“You are strong.”  There’s no doubt in Seven’s voice.  “You will adapt.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Kes manages a weak smile at that.  “I don’t know if I have the kind of strength for that, Seven.  Despite my mental abilities.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“I disagree,” Seven says.  “Though it is formidable, that is not the strength I am referring to.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Kes is stunned.  She’s never realized that Seven has this much faith in her.  It’s humbling, in a way. It’s frightening, in another. She doesn’t want Seven to place her on some kind of pedestal; she’s not perfect, either in the sense of the Borg definition or as an individual being.  She’s just herself, and she hopes that Seven understands that.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Then she looks at Seven, and is stunned by the frank admiration in her eyes.  And Kes can’t bring herself to diminish that.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“I appreciate that,” is all she says.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Anytime,” Seven replies, and Kes knows that she truly means that.  “Will you assist me with my calculations? I believe a distraction is in order.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Seven doesn’t wait for Kes to comply.  It occurs to Kes that the reason is not because Seven doesn’t understand why someone wouldn’t want to aid in the ship’s efficiency, but because Seven knows her well enough to know that she’ll say yes.  Their hips bump briefly and Kes turns to the console, and she stares at it blankly until Seven gently takes her hands and places them on the correct panel.  </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Kes’ breath stutters.  Her stomach curls. She swallows.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Not now, </span>
  <em>
    <span>she thinks to herself, and gets to work.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <span>Seven is out on the back porch.  She’s asked him for space, wanting to stew over what happened at lunch on her own.  Chakotay understands. It’s between her and Kes, and she doesn’t want to share those feelings with him.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He knows that kind of selfishness, when it comes to friendships.  He remembers feeling that way when he was younger, the times when his close friend growing up started hanging out with other people.  Seven and Kes have had a strong bond from almost the day Seven arrived on Voyager, and now that that bond is in jeopardy, Seven is clinging to it, not wanting others to get in the way.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He wishes he doesn’t know why their estrangement happened in the first place.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The revelation that Kes loves Seven - is in love with Seven - isn’t surprising.  What’s more surprising is that he somehow didn’t see the signs. He should have. He should have realized that Kes’ reluctance to speak to him about it had nothing to do with her feelings about him, and everything to do with her feelings for Seven.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He should have realized, after he brought it up during one of his meetings with Kathryn.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Her reasons are her own,” she said.  “I’m not at liberty to disclose them to you, Commander.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Essentially, it was about the same thing that Seven told him, when he asked her why she was upset after the party in Holodeck Two.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Chakotay stands, stretches, and replicates himself a cup of tea.  He settles back onto the sofa, keeping one eye on Seven through the window.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Her aunt’s house is in the Tyresö neighborhood in Stockholm.  It’s a modest home, with two bedrooms upstairs, and a living room, kitchen, and office downstairs.  Irene herself is out for the day, having gone to Stockholm proper to do some shopping. It’s only 1500, but the sun has already disappeared over the horizon, and there’s a light layer of snow on the ground.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The back porch is freezing, but Seven doesn’t seem to notice the cold.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The hour passes slowly, and in that entire time she doesn’t move.  Eventually Chakotay ventures outside, carefully draping a throw over her shoulders.  She startles.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thank you,” she says, pulling it tighter around herself.  The back porch light flickers on. This far north, it’s sometimes hard to remember that, despite how dark it is, people are still working and going about their days.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Chakotay says, “You’re welcome,” and turns to go back inside.  Seven has made it clear to him that she’ll tell him when she wants his company again.  To his surprise, however, she starts speaking.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We promised we would see snow for the first time, together.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Chakotay pauses with his hand on the doorknob.  Turning back to Seven, he frowns. “Haven’t you both already seen snow?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Not on Earth.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cautiously, he sits down on the porch swing next to her.  Wordlessly, she offers him part of the blanket, and when he moves closer to put an arm around her, she lets him.  Tentatively, she leans her head against his shoulder.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We promised we would see snow together,” she continues.  “We said we would find a real ice cream vendor and try out as many flavors as we could.  She wants to see the Grand Canyon. I do not, so she compromised by agreeing to go with me to see the towers in Abu Dhabi.  We were going to find somewhere warmer to go swimming. We were taking lessons together on the holodeck.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Her voice is hollow as she speaks, and Chakotay feels an ache somewhere in the pit of him.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Someday,” </span>
  </em>
  <span>he hears a voice whisper in his head, “</span>
  <em>
    <span>I’ll take you to the real Lake George.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“There’s no reason you won’t be able to do any of those things with her eventually,” he says.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“There is every reason,” Seven counters, stiffening in his hold.  “Even if -”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She stops.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Chakotay sighs.  “I know she’s in love with you,” he says.  “And I’m guessing that she asked you for time, so that those feelings could fade.  And they do fade, Seven. People move on. It happens.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“But there is no guarantee that they will not return once we resume our friendship,” Seven replies.  “What then? Will she need another unspecified amount of time for them to fade again? Will she keep doing this for the rest of our lives, her insisting that it’s ‘not fair’ to me that she keeps falling in love with me?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Seven -”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It </span>
  <em>
    <span>isn’t </span>
  </em>
  <span>fair!”  Seven stands suddenly and begins pacing in front of him.  He’s never seen her this agitated. “I have no control over her feelings, but if my experiences with individuals are any indication, she does not either.  There is no one at fault, no one I can blame, but my friend is gone anyway, and there is </span>
  <em>
    <span>nothing </span>
  </em>
  <span>I can do.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Seven whirls away from him and puts her hands on the railing.  “I have been misled,” she says, in a low voice. “I was under the impression that it was romantic entanglements that frequently led to instances of heartbreak.  No one warned me about what friendships can do to you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Chakotay stays silent.  He’s not sure how to reach her through the pain she’s feeling.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Seven doesn’t turn around, but she whispers, “I wish I had not asked you to date me.  This would not have happened.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Chakotay takes a minute or two to absorb those words.  They probably should’ve hit him like a gut punch, but they don’t.  He just feels... a bit empty, inside. His mind turns to Kathryn, and her avoidance of him since their return to Earth.  Maybe the reason those words don’t hurt as much as they should is because Seven isn’t the only one suffering from a broken friendship.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Quietly, he says, “I’m going to go inside.  Do you need anything?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Seven doesn’t answer.  Eventually, Chakotay retreats, leaving the throw behind.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Part IV</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I really have no excuses.  Here's the next chapter!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Gretchen Janeway’s house is old and beautiful, much like her aunt’s.  It is also bigger; Seven realizes that, logistically if nothing else, it does actually make more sense for Kes to stay here than it did for her to come with her to Sweden.  She takes in the old architecture, the sun that’s starting to rise above the horizon, and the thick layer of snow before she raises her hand to press the door chime.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She hears a shout she cannot identify, followed by the sound of footsteps rapidly approaching the door.  It is almost enough to make her turn around and run back to the transporter station, but she grimaces and holds her ground.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Seven breathes a sigh of relief when she sees the Captain’s face, and not Kes’.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Seven!” the Captain exclaims.  “What brings you here?  Are you here to see Kes?  Come inside, you must be freezing.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Seven has barely noticed the cold; even in Sweden, she didn’t really feel it.  Aunt Irene laughed and told her that it was the Scandinavian in her.  She accepts Captain Janeway’s invitation anyway, removing her snow boots and leaving them on the welcome mat in the foyer.  She does not remove her coat, however.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The Captain shoots her a smile and asks, “Coffee?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, thank you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She follows the Captain back to her kitchen, at the back of the house.  No one else appears to be here, compelling Seven to ask, “Your mother, and the Doctor...”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Out doing some grocery shopping,” Janeway says, pouring a mug of coffee for herself.  “My mother is determined to fatten us up while we’re here.  According to her I’ve turned into a stick, and Kes is apparently no better.  She’s been cooking enough for six almost every day, even though Phoebe left over a week ago.  She and the Doctor get along famously; I don’t know how Kes can stand to be around the both of them.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Janeway turns and leans against the counter, taking a sip of coffee and sighing.  Then she turns her laser-like gaze on Seven, and asks, “How have you been?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Seven hesitates, then admits, “Not well.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, you’re welcome to wait until Kes gets back.  Or the Doctor, if you’re concerned it’s something medical.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No.  I cannot see Kes at the moment.  I came here to speak with you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The Captain raises an eyebrow.  She gestures towards the door to the living room with her coffee mug.  “Let’s sit down.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Seven carefully sits down in an armchair next to the empty fireplace.  Janeway settles onto the couch across from her, curling her legs underneath her.  It is such an unprofessional pose that Seven has to blink a few times.  It has not occurred to her that the Captain might be a different person in her family home.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Regarding Kes,” she begins, “I find myself in need of... advice.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She hesitates, unsure of what else she can say.  She has no wish to break Kes’ confidence - not even to the Captain.  It turns out that she does not need to.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Regarding the fact that she’s in love with you and wants to get over it?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Seven nods, relieved.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What sort of advice were you looking for?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Seven hesitates, unsure of where to start.  She feels as though a plasma storm has awoken in her, thrusting her into a confusing torrent that doesn’t seem to let up, no matter what she does.  Chakotay has been unfailingly kind in his attempts to help her through it, but the mere knowledge that it was his role in her life that was the catalyst to Kes suspending their friendship has soured their relationship.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I have been reevaluating,” she admits, after a moment.  “And I have come to the conclusion that Kes’ logic is flawed.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“...go on.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“On the occasion of her confession, she stated that her feelings toward me were unfair to me because I ‘cannot’ return her affections.  I do not understand how she reached that conclusion.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Janeway took a sip from her mug, leaning back on the couch cushions.  “Well,” she says, “There are a couple of possible reasons.  One is that you’re in a relationship with someone else, so the natural assumption would be that you have feelings for him, not anyone else.  That is, of course, assuming your relationship with the Commander is monogamous -”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It is.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Then that predicates a level of emotional unavailability.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Seven frowns, trying to read between the lines of what the Captain is saying.  “But it does not mean that I cannot return her feelings.  Human emotions do not follow a logical pattern.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Janeway gives her a gentle smile.  “Correct.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What is the other reason?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Simply that you’ve never shown a romantic interest in her.  You’ve been friends for a long time.  It wouldn’t be irrational for her to conclude that if you’ve never developed that interest in her before, you never will.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Again, that argument is subverted by the nature of emotions themselves,” Seven points out.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Janeway acknowledges her point with a nod.  “Thirdly,” she says, “she might have assumed that your sexual and romantic interests only extend towards men.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Seven pauses at that.  She has never given it a great deal of consideration.  Physical attraction has long been set aside, as she cannot seem to judge such things (though she knows that Chakotay is considered attractive by many of the women who were onboard Voyager).  Emotional attraction has been her primary motivator in seeking a relationship - she knows that Chakotay is kind and considerate, and a passionate person at heart.  He’s willing to communicate clearly with her.  He accepts her need for certain boundaries.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The realization - that Kes has been fulfilling those same emotional needs for her, for </span>
  <em>
    <span>years </span>
  </em>
  <span>- hits her.  It feels as though someone has thrown a padd in her face.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>In a hoarse voice, she says, “I do not believe gender to be a factor in my love life.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Alright,” Captain Janeway says.  Seven doesn’t know when, but at some point the Captain has put down her mug.  It’s still half full.  “Then I guess the question is this: when you were considering candidates for romance, why didn’t you consider Kes?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>For the first time in her life, Seven’s mind goes completely blank.  She panics internally as she realizes that she doesn’t have an answer to that question.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I do not know,” she says.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Janeway reaches out to her and puts a hand on top of hers.  “Then that’s the question you need to answer.  I have a feeling that neither one of you is going to be able to move on from this until you do.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Still unable to think of a single thing to say, Seven nods.  She is still panicking inside, and when she hears the sound of the front door being opened, she bolts upright.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thank you for speaking with me,” she says to the Captain.  “I... I need to leave.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She hurries for the front door, avoiding the eyes of the three who have just come in the door.  She’s quick to pull on her boots, murmuring a quick greeting to Mrs. Janeway, the Doctor, and Kes, who is eyeing her curiously.  She’s out the door before any of them can say anything.  She thinks that, if she were any more agitated, she would be running for the transport station.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When she gets there, she finds that she has no desire to return to Stockholm as of yet.  She doesn’t know how to talk to Chakotay about this.  She just wants time to mull this over by herself, without the pressure of another person around her.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Seven tells the transporter technician her destination, and closes her eyes.</span>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>To say that Seven is unprepared for the rush of warmth she feels is an understatement.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>She has been cautious, in testing the new limits of her emotional capacity.  Trying small things that she enjoys at first - her favorite desserts, activities she likes on the holodeck.  Being around friends.  The affection she feels for the Captain, the gratitude.  The only thing she has noticed so far is that it is harder to fight the urge to smile.  </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Seeing Kes is very, very different.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>She is the one who is late to their weekly swimming lesson - not so much a lesson anymore as it is an excuse for the two of them to spend time in the water.  She enters the holodeck in her wetsuit, and sees Kes’ diminutive form seated at the edge of the pool, and she freezes in shock at the surge of...</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>She doesn’t know how to describe it.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>It is special, she knows that.  It makes her happy.  She wants to feel it again.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Seven bumps into one of the chairs on the deck and scowls.  It is also, it seems, distracting.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Kes, who has no doubt heard her enter, turns and smiles at her.  The feeling in Seven only increases in strength at that smile, and she marvels at the difference, now that her emotional failsafe is gone.  She has always been comfortable and happy around Kes, but this is much, much more than that.  </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>She doesn’t bother to stop herself from smiling back.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“How are you feeling?” Kes asks her, standing up.  “You’ve been taking it slowly since the failsafe was deactivated, right?”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“I have,” Seven says, though she is starting to think she has miscalculated.  She assumed that spending time with Kes would count as ‘taking it slowly’.  </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“And?”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“It has been... pleasant, thus far,” Seven admits.  She is suddenly reticent to explain her reaction to Kes’ presence.  “I am enjoying it so far.  Though I have found that some of my emotions are... distracting.  I will need time to adjust fully.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“You’ll get there,” Kes promises.  “But in the meantime -”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>She does a backwards dive into the pool, and for one heartstopping moment Seven feels a stab of icy fear in her gut.  It’s only a moment, but it nearly has her gasping for breath.  She forces it aside as Kes surfaces.  She just looks happy to be in the water, unconcerned for the danger she might have put herself in.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Seven does not understand it.  She has seen Kes perform such feats before, and she has never had this response.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Come on,” Kes calls, laughing.  “Swimming will take your mind off of it, for a little while at least.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Seven smiles again, both in relief and because she </span>
  </em>
  <span>has </span>
  <em>
    <span>been looking forward to this.  Schooling her features, she deadpans, “I believe the technical term is ‘cannonball’,” before she leaps for the water, curling in on herself and dousing a shrieking Kes.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>The two of them very quickly start a water fight, and Seven marvels at how easily laughter comes to her now.  It’s almost unbelievable - how muted everything was before.  They race from one end of the pool to the other, and she revels in the exhilaration, enjoying the moment while it lasts.  Kes is right - their activities leave very little room for introspection.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Seven thinks that this might be the happiest she has ever felt.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>That thought brings up another, one that she has wanted to discuss with Kes for several weeks now.  She waits while Kes completes another lap around the pool, opting instead to sink into the hot tub that sits off to the side.  Kes joins her in short order, and it is then that she broaches the topic.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“I have been considering instigating a romantic relationship with one of the crew.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Kes pauses, her gaze darting away from Seven’s.  “Really?  Anyone specific in mind?”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Seven frowns.  Kes rarely fails to make eye contact with her when they’re speaking.  “Not at the moment.  But I have some candidates I am considering who I believe would make ideal romantic partners.  I wish to know of your opinion on the matter.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>She lets out a breath she did not know she was holding when Kes finally meets her eyes.  “And this isn’t a byproduct of the crew pressuring you to try dating, even if you don’t want to?”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“No,” Seven says, grimacing at the memory.  She knows that Voyager’s crew did not mean any harm by it, but it had taken her some time to figure out that there wasn’t anything wrong with her for not wanting to date at the time.  “I have reached this conclusion of my own volition.  Today has been proof that my decision is the correct one; I have experienced a happiness I have never before felt here, with you.  If I include a romantic partner in my life, I may be able to expand that happiness even further.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>To her surprise, Kes looks almost stricken.  “This is the happiest you’ve ever felt?” she whispers.  </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Seven smiles, unsure why Kes seems upset by this.  “It is.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Kes swallows, then returns her smile, though her mouth is trembling.  “You don’t know how wonderful it is to hear you say that.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>You do not seem to think it is wonderful,</span>
  <em>
    <span> Seven wants to say.  Something stops her, though.  Before she can try and analyze what that something is, Kes speaks again.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“I think it’s a wonderful idea, Seven,” she continues.  Her voice is firmer now, and Seven relaxes when she realizes that she can no longer detect any sorrow from her.  “You should pursue happiness.  I’m glad I can be a part of that.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“You are essential to it,” Seven tells her.  Of that, she has no doubt.  “Would you like me to inform you when I make a decision about the candidates?  I believe that this qualifies as ‘girl talk’, as Lieutenant Torres might say.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“You don’t have to,” Kes says quickly.  “If it’s your first relationship, and you want to keep it private, you don’t have to tell me anything about it.  I’ll leave it up to you.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Seven is surprised.  “Do you not wish to know?”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“No, it’s not that, it’s... it’s your choice, Seven.  You don’t have to.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Seven looks down at her hands.  Kes’ behavior is confusing her.  That in itself is unusual.  Once again, however, she refrains from calling Kes out on it, and once again, she doesn’t have the time to examine why.  </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“I need to go,” Kes says, standing quickly.  “I’m due back in Sickbay.  Have a good rest of your day.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Seven watches her leave, feeling a strange twisting sensation in her gut.  Something has gone wrong, and she does not know what.  She sits there in silence for a few minutes, until the computer’s voice rings out, informing her that she has five minutes of holodeck time left.  She shakes herself out of her stupor, vows to examine this encounter more carefully at a later point in time, and grabs a towel.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <span>Kes is kneading dough, not really paying attention to the motions of it, letting her mind wander.  Next to her, Gretchen is chopping vegetables for today’s dinner, but Kes is embarking on another baking project of hers.  She’ll never be a stellar chef like Gretchen, but she has something of a knack for baking.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She keeps coming back to Seven’s surprise visit.  She knows that her return from the grocery store is what prompted Seven’s swift exit, but she can’t help but be curious about Seven’s reason for being there in the first place.  All Kathryn told her was that Seven needed advice about something, and though she knows it’s petty, Kes’ stomach twists at the thought that it might have been relationship advice.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>That, if nothing else, is proof that Kes is going to need a lot more time before she’s ready to start seeing Seven again.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>In a spur-of-the-moment decision, she began making a few loaves of bread.  Gretchen usually buys bread from the store, saying that she doesn’t have the time to bake it herself, but Kes has all the time in the world, and she enjoys it.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She’s just put the loaves in the oven when the chime rings.  Kathryn’s upstairs taking a shower, so the Doctor calls that he’ll answer the door.  Kes makes her way to the living room, sinking into the armchair next to the fireplace with a sigh, but she freezes when she hears the Doctor speak.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ah, Commander.  What brings you by?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kes deliberately keeps her eyes on the fireplace as Chakotay answers, “Please, Doctor, it’s just Chakotay.  Is Seven here?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, Commander.  She left several hours ago, after we’d returned from our shopping trip.  I assumed she would be rejoining you in Sweden.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kes straightens at that, craning her head to look at Chakotay.  He doesn’t seem to notice.  His brow is furrowed, presumably with worry.  Kes’ stomach starts churning again, this time for a completely different reason.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Seven always makes a point to inform people of her plans beforehand.  It’s something she needs to do; early on it was a way to help her make sense of her new situation, but now it’s a habit that she’s never broken.  If Chakotay has been expecting her to come back to Sweden, but she never showed up...</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kes is up and out of her chair as Chakotay says, “Is Kathryn here?  Seven came here to speak to her.  I was hoping she would know where she went.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m here.”  Kathryn is coming down the stairs, having changed into sweat pants and a loose tunic following her shower.  Kes feels her spine instinctively straighten at the look on her face - this is her in full-on captain mode, in spite of her casual attire.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“In my office,” she says, tilting her head towards the room off to the side of the front door.  Kes notes that both Chakotay’s and the Doctor’s faces have settled into professional masks as well, and wonders at how easy it is for them all to slip back into their roles from Voyager.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Her ‘office’ is a room that was mostly empty when they first arrived on Earth.  Kathryn has since co-opted it for when she needs to communicate with Starfleet.  The oak desk has several padds scattered around on it, and there’s a newly-installed communications terminal, which is probably what Kathryn was using when Kes heard her on calls.  Kathryn steps behind the desk but remains standing, as though this is her ready room.  In a way, Kes supposes it is.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Now,” Kathryn says, “before we all become too alarmed, I just want to make sure that she might not have just wanted to be by herself for a little while.  I think my discussion elicited something of an epiphany from her, and she might have needed some time to mull it over.”  Kes opens her mouth to protest, but Kathryn holds up a hand, stalling her.  “I’m not saying we shouldn’t still look for her, but if we do find her, I think only one person should approach her.  Chakotay?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kes is thankful that the Doctor is between her and Chakotay - that way the Commander can’t see her face.  To her surprise, however, Chakotay says, “I’m not sure that I’m the best person for that.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kathryn blinks several times, but other than that shows no surprise.  “Kes?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Part of Kes wants to shout her agreement, but she knows that Seven is still upset with her.  “I’m not either,” she states.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh for goodness’ sake,” the Doctor says, giving an irritated sigh.  “You’d be ascertaining her well-being, nothing more.  </span>
  <em>
    <span>I’ll </span>
  </em>
  <span>go.  I can start at the transport station nearby; would you like me to update you if I find out anything more?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kathryn nods.  “That would be appreciated Doctor, thank you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The Doctor gives a sharp nod in return, then goes to find his commbadge.  A few moments later, Kes hears the sound of the front door shutting behind him.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The rest of them are thrust into suddenly awkward silence.  Now that the business part of the discussion is out of the way, Kathryn suddenly deflates, staring blankly down at the padds on her desk.  Chakotay doesn’t seem to know where to look either.  Kes glances between the two of them, realizing that for once the tension in the room has nothing to do with her.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“The bread’s probably almost done,” she mutters, quickly making her escape.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Turns out it’s a little crispier than expected, but it’s still salvageable.  Kes explains the situation to Gretchen while she pulls the loaves out of the oven, placing them on racks to cool.  She then starts to help Gretchen with dinner, keeping an eye on the pasta that’s currently cooking on the stove.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, I’m sure the Doctor will find her,” Gretchen says.  “Though I don’t envy my daughter right now, let me tell you.  ‘Wait and see’ is not her modus operandi.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kes glances towards the front of the house.  She can’t hear anything, and she doesn’t know if that’s a good sign or not.  “To be honest,” she says, “I think she’s been wanting a moment alone with the Commander for a while now.  From what I’ve heard, they haven’t really had a chance to spend time together since we landed on Earth.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Gee,” Gretchen says, an undercurrent of sarcasm in her voice.  “I wonder why that is?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kes pauses while stirring the pasta.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Let’s just say my daughter has never been the best at confronting her emotions.  Other things?  She can’t be stopped.  Her own feelings?  I think she’d rather keep them buried under a rock.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kes puts the spoon down and turns, frowning at Gretchen.  “Gretchen,” she says, “I’m not really sure that this is any of my business.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Gretchen waves a hand.  “I have a point I’m getting to.”  She takes the vegetables she’s been sauteeing off the stove.  Her eyes soften when she glances at Kes.  “I can see that you admire Kathryn very much.  And don’t mistake me - there are plenty of qualities of hers that are admirable.  But </span>
  <em>
    <span>that </span>
  </em>
  <span>isn’t one of them.  I hope you understand that.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kes sits at the little kitchen table, mulling over Gretchen’s words.  She thinks about how she has always been frank and honest with Seven, even if her honesty about her love for her came later than it should have.  She thinks about how reticent Kathryn has been, trying to hide the look she gets on her face sometimes, when the topic of Seven or Chakotay (or both of them, together) comes up.  How she hasn’t seen Kathryn and Chakotay together outside of debriefings until today.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I do understand that,” Kes murmurs.  Gretchen glances at her over her shoulder, shooting her a kind smile.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They fall into a comfortable silence.  Kes still can’t hear anything from Kathryn’s office.  The Captain and Commander had a few spectacular fights during their latter years on Voyager, but whatever they’re talking about now, it isn’t like that.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kes and Gretchen are about to start filling plates with food when Kathryn emerges, followed by Chakotay.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Mom,” she says, hesitantly, “would it be alright if Chakotay stayed for dinner?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Chakotay ducks his head.  Kes catches him smiling before he does.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Gretchen beams.  “Of course it’s alright,” she says.  “And finally, someone who looks like they didn’t skimp on eating during Voyager.  Really, Kathryn, Kes - it’s obvious you have no excuses.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kathryn rolls her eyes and shoots a long-suffering look at Chakotay, who coughs to cover his laugh.  Kes finds herself smiling as well, a little bit of happiness sparking to life in her at the realization that the command team is back on the right track.</span>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <span>“Hmm.  This is not anywhere close to your usual haunts.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Seven starts at the voice.  She pivots on her heel to see the last person she would expect out here.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Doctor,” she greets.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Am I interrupting?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Seven shakes her head.  “No, I merely needed some solitude in which to... reassess a few things.  I believe that sufficient time has been taken for that endeavor.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The Doctor takes a few steps forward until he’s standing at her side.  “If I may say, it doesn’t seem like sufficient time has been taken to me.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Seven sighs.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The land before them is wreathed in red.  The sun is just now beginning to set, and the color is highlighting the canyon in front of her.  She was not prepared for the way her breath left her at the sight, instantly understanding why Kes had been so adamant about coming here once they reached Earth.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It is isolated,” Seven remembers pointing out.  “There are no technological feats, no unusual anomalies.  I do not understand the appeal.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kes smiled, and answered, “It’s time, Seven.  It’s a physical manifestation of what time is capable of.  Time changes everything, even planets.  I think that’s incredible.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She thinks she understands, now.  And she’s forced to admit that time has left its mark on her as well.  She is not the same person she was four years ago.  Neither is Kes.  Neither is Chakotay, or the Captain, or even the man standing beside her.  In a way, the canyon in front of her represents that, no matter how they might resist, time wins out in the end.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Perhaps you need another pair of ears?” the Doctor suggests.  “Despite evidence to the contrary, I can be a good listener.  When the moment calls for it.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Seven blinks at the rare show of self-awareness.  “Very well,” she says, “but perhaps you can first answer a question for me.  How has Kes been since we arrived on Earth?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hmm.”  The Doctor is staring out over the canyon too, not making eye contact with Seven.  It is unusual behavior for him, but Seven suspects that he is just as awed by the sight as she has been.  “Well, she’s been keeping herself busy.  Gretchen - lovely woman, by the way, an excellent conversationalist -”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Doctor.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sorry,” he says, shaking himself.  “Gretchen’s taken her under her wing, so to speak.  And Kes and Kathryn have been spending a lot of time together, when Kathryn isn’t working.  Kes seems to have taken a liking to baking.  She’s been making more than they can eat, and on top of Gretchen’s somewhat overzealous cooking we should really start inviting more people over for dinner.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“With all due respect, Doctor,” Seven says, “that does not answer my question.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, I suppose not.”  The Doctor’s shoulders slump.  “She seems... happy, when she’s keeping busy.  She’s just as brilliant as she was on Voyager.  She’s picked things up about Earth culture and lifestyle very quickly.  She looks... sad, sometimes, when things are quieter.  And I know her debriefings were hard on her.  Starfleet was concerned about her powers.  Thankfully they ultimately decided to take her at her word that they’re under control - as they should.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The Doctor looks at her then.  “She never did tell me why she didn’t stay with you and your aunt, as you had originally planned.  But I figured it had something to do with the fact that she’s in love with you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Seven whips her head around to stare at him.  He’s staring right back at her, one eyebrow raised.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It wasn’t that difficult to deduce,” he tells her.  “Love elicits physical symptoms in Ocampans as well as humans.  They’re not exactly the same, and they’re not as obvious, but they’re there, and I noticed them.  Increased heart rate, increased breathing rate, though Kes blushes in her palms rather than her face.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>This might actually be the information that Seven is looking for.  “Did I ever exhibit the same symptoms around Kes?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The Doctor holds her gaze for a long moment, his expression turning thoughtful.  “Not exactly.  Your ‘symptoms’ - if they can even be called that, love is hardly a disease - did exist, but they were more in line with a rush of endorphins.  In other words, being around Kes usually made you very happy.  I’m not certain if that means you’re in love with her; it could be that your upbringing as a Borg would cause you to manifest different ‘symptoms’ than a human with a typical upbringing would have.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I see.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The Doctor doesn’t know.  </span>
  <em>
    <span>She </span>
  </em>
  <span>doesn’t know.  How will she know what it feels like to be in love with someone?  Her feelings for Chakotay are no clear indicator; she is fond of him, and she is happy to be around him, but beyond that there’s nothing that defines her relationship with him as being any different than her relationship with Kes.  They have not yet been physically intimate.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The only difference - as far as she can tell - is that the idea of not being around Kes fills her with dread.  She cannot say the same about the idea of never being around Chakotay.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Not for the first time, her brain is set awhirl with thoughts.  Is it dependence?  Deep friendship?  Love?  She thinks about everything that she’s learned about humanity so far.  How can she know?  How will she ever know?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Seven doesn’t realize that she’s crying until the Doctor politely turns away from her.  The tears are silent.  She does not elicit any of the gasping sobs that she ordinarily associates with human crying, but she doesn't know how to make the tears stop.  She simply stands there and cries, ignorant of the frigid air, and infinitely grateful for the steady, non-obtrusive presence of the Doctor next to her.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I do not know what to do,” she says, her voice shaking.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The Doctor still doesn’t look at her.  “You know,” he says, “sometimes there are no easy answers.  At least, that’s what I’ve found, over the years.  No matter what you do, your decisions aren’t going to please everyone, and someone might end up unhappy in the end.  That’s an integral part of life itself.  I know that the Borg strive for perfection, but it simply doesn’t exist.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Seven looks down at her hands - at the hand with a lattice of metal on it, from which her assimilation tubules could poke out if she wills them to.  Perfection would imply symmetry in her hands, and there is none.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I am not a perfect being,” she says, but it’s the second realization that really hits home.  “And I should not strive to be.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The Doctor smiles at her, a little sadly.  “If you’d like my advice, Seven?  Talk to Kes.  Tell her about this.  Let her use that information, let her reassess.  Who knows?  Perfection isn’t achievable, but... there still might be a way for both of you to come out of this happy.”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Part V</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Here we go - the end of this story.  Hope you enjoy!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>New Talax has never been busier.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Neelix is thrilled, of course.  So many visitors in one day - he can hardly believe it.  The Full Circle Fleet showing up on their doorstep certainly isn’t something he was expecting.  When Admiral Janeway had appeared on the viewscreen, she beamed at him and asked permission for a group of Voyager’s old crew to visit.  New Talax has been thriving, and Neelix was only too happy to grant her request.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Now, his friends and family of New Talax are mingling with his friends and family from Voyager.  It’s a dream come true, if he’s being honest with himself.  But there’s one person in particular that he has yet to see - someone that he hasn’t yet gotten the chance to speak to.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Finally - finally - he sees her.  She’s beamed in on the far side of the plaza, and he’s only a little surprised to see her wearing a medical blue Starfleet uniform.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Kes!” he calls, waving frantically.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She hears him, somehow, over the din, and Kes breaks out into a brilliant grin, weaving through the crowd towards him until she crashes into him, hugging him tightly.  Neelix can’t help the joyous laugh that breaks out of him.  He lifts her off the ground, spinning her in a circle.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, it’s so good to see you!” he gushes, setting her back down on the ground.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You too, Neelix.  I’ve missed you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He takes a good look at her, hands on her shoulders.  The uniform suits her, and she’s grown out her hair again, wearing it in a low ponytail behind her.  She has wrinkles now - lines around her eyes and mouth that speak of a lot of days spent laughing and smiling, and her hair is a mix of silver and blond.  But she’s still Kes, and he hugs her once again for good measure.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Earth’s been treating you well?” he asks, once they’ve separated again.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kes nods.  “Yes, I’ve been able to pursue my medical studies, and managed to get assigned as Voyager’s nurse before the Full Circle fleet left the Alpha Quadrant.  I can’t say it’s been completely smooth sailing, but I’m very happy.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>From behind her comes another voice - one that Neelix isn’t expecting to hear.  “If Starfleet had a bit more sense, you’d be Voyager’s CMO.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He beams again.  “Seven!  Hug?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Seven, who has followed Kes through the crowd, pauses, but then sighs and says, “Very well.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He’s more gentle with her, aware of her dislike of physical contact.  Still, she reciprocates, and he beams at her, delighted.  She mostly looks the same as he remembers, with a few small differences - one being that she’s wearing a science officer’s uniform, and another being that she wears her hair down now.  Her stance is more relaxed than she remembers, too.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You look fantastic, as ever,” he says.  Before he can say anything else, a shout from the crowd interrupts them.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Mama!  Mom!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The boy crashes into Seven, who lets out an ‘oof’.  He wraps his arms around her legs and grins up at her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hi,” he says.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ben,” Kes admonishes gently.  “You were supposed to wait for us on the Vesta.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Aunt Kaffryn said I could come with her.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And let me guess,” Seven says.  Her tone is firm, but Neelix can hear amusement in her voice.   “The moment you materialized here, you ran away from her, despite the fact that we have expressly told you not to do so when we leave the ship.  Multiple times.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ben shrugs.  He hasn’t let go of Seven yet, and he buries his face against her leg.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Seven sighs, and then smiles.  “We have missed you as well.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Seven!  Kes!  I’m so sorry.”  Admiral Janeway hurries through the crowd, a harried look on her face.  “I swear, I look away for two seconds -”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“‘S not Aunt Kaffryn’s fault,” Ben insists.  “She’s getting old.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Neelix’s jaw drops.  Seven’s eyebrows shoot upwards, and Kes gasps, “Ben!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Admiral Janeway merely guffaws.  “Well,” she says, reaching out and ruffling his hair.  “You’re not wrong there, mister, but make sure you keep that a secret from my husband.  Everyone here is allowed to know, but you can’t tell anyone.”  She crouches down in front of Ben, a serious look on her face.  “Can I count on you, Cadet Hansen?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And little Ben, bless his heart, pulls away from Seven to give a perfect salute.  “Yes sir-ma’am-Admiral-ma’am!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Janeway straightens up and mutters something that sounds suspiciously like “going to kill Tom”.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s alright now, Ben,” Kes tells him, also crouching down.  “But remember, when you do this, you could be hurt.  We just want to make sure that that doesn’t happen.  Okay?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ben at least looks a little sheepish now.  “Okay, Mama.”  Just like that, he brightens right back up again.  “Aunt Kaffryn says there are Talaxian kids here!  Can I go play with them?  Miral won’t play with me, she says I’m too little now.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Neelix feels that this is the appropriate time to jump in.  “We do have a recreation area for the children,” he says, catching the attention of all three women.  “I’d be happy to take you there.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That would be wonderful,” Kes says, smiling.  “Thank you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He smiles back, unable to stop the surge of affection when she loops her arm through Seven’s.  On Seven’s other side, Ben grabs her hand, his head swiveling this way and that as he takes in all the sights of New Talax.  Admiral Janeway brings up the rear; Neelix suspects that her face is a mirror for the expression on his own.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He turns and leads the way through the crowd, listening as Ben chatters excitedly, jumping from one topic to the next quicker than lightspeed.  Kes gently directs him to give updates on things like his schoolwork, and if he had enjoyed spending time with the Parises (who he was presumably staying with on the Vesta), but mostly she lets him talk at his own pace.  Seven is mostly silent, apart from the occasional interjection.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>To date, Neelix still isn’t sure what exactly happened between Seven and Kes after Voyager arrived on Earth.  He knows that it’s something of a strained topic for them, but he also knows that they’re very much in love, and that they’ve long since worked it out between them.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They arrive at the recreation area, which is a bit like a big playground.  Most of the kids there are Talaxian children, but they don’t seem to mind; the minute Ben is spotted, several of them are yelling for him to come play with them.  Neelix looks on as he shoots a pleading look at his mothers, then lets out a yelp of glee when they both nod.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Don’t worry,” Neelix assures them, once Ben has rushed off.  “We always have some adults here to look after the kids.  They’ll make sure he’s fine, if you’d like to take a tour around the rest of New Talax.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kes opens her mouth - presumably to say yes - but she catches Seven’s eye.  She smiles a bit regretfully and says, “Actually, Seven and I were hoping for a little time to ourselves.  If that’s alright with you both?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Of course, of course!” Neelix says.  “We’ll see you both at dinner, I hope?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Count on it,” Kes promises.  She and Seven move away, their heads close together as they talk.  Neelix takes note of the way Kes presses a little bit closer into Seven’s side.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, Admiral?” he says.  “Would you like the tour?  You can tell me all about Project Full Circle.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Admiral Janeway takes his proffered arm, giving him that half-grin he still knows so well.  “Neelix, I’d like nothing more.”</span>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>They’ve already finished dinner, and have moved into the living room, when Kes hears the front door opening.  </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>She’s back in the same chair again, so she has to twist around in her seat to see what’s happening - though the audible sigh of relief she hears from Chakotay is enough of a giveaway.  The Doctor is standing there, with Seven just behind him; to Kes’ surprise, the Doctor doesn’t look the least bit smug that he’s been able to find Seven.  He strides straight to the couch that’s become his preferred convalescence spot, and plops down, sighing.  Seven follows a bit more slowly, looking uncomfortable.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“We don’t bite, dear,” Gretchen says.  “Come in.  Do you want a blanket?  You must be freezing.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“I’m alright,” Seven replies, then shakes herself and adds, “thank you.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Kes’ relief at seeing that Seven is fine is strong enough that for a few seconds she forgets about their arrangement.  But her heart sinks when Seven fixes her with an unreadable look, then says, “May I speak with you in private?”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>It’s a question, which means that Seven has every intention of respecting Kes’ boundaries, should Kes say no.  She relaxes a bit, then nods, getting up from her chair.  She gestures for Seven to follow her and heads to the kitchen.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Kes has been here long enough that she feels comfortable asking Seven if she’d like something to drink.  “Just some water, please,” Seven says.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Kes nods and gets two glasses from the cabinet above the sink.  A few moments later, they’re both seated at the little kitchen table, their glasses in front of them.  Kes takes a few sips of her water, eyeing Seven curiously.  What could be running through her head right now?  What was it about her conversation with Kathryn that spooked Seven so?</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Do you still have romantic feelings for me?” Seven asks abruptly.  </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Kes just barely keeps herself from sighing.  “Seven -” she starts, but Seven raises a hand.  </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Perhaps I should clarify,” Seven says.  “I am not inquiring about the status of our arrangement.  I am asking if you are willing to consider dating me.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Kes feels her jaw hit the floor.  Whatever she was expecting when Seven asked to speak with her, it wasn’t this.  For some reason, in all of the scenarios she’s been picturing in her head, Seven actually asking to date her didn’t come up.  </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>She swallows down the part of her that wants to shout “Yes!” from the rooftops, and instead says, “What brought this on?”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>She cringes at her own wording; it sounds harsher than it is.  But she needs to know.  </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Seven makes direct eye-contact.  “Reassessment,” she says flatly.  “I made an error when I discounted you from being a romantic option for me aboard Voyager.  After some thought, I can only conclude that I was afraid of our relationship changing.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Kes blinks.  Seven rarely admits fear, especially when it comes to personal relationships.  </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“It only occurred to me recently that it was very possible that what I was seeking in a relationship was what I already had with you,” Seven continues.  “And that, in my lack of experience with social mannerisms, I simply did not realize it.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Kes hates herself for saying this, but it needs to be said.  “That isn’t the same as love.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“How would you know?” Seven shoots back, and Kes actually leans back a little at the vehemence in her voice.  There’s frustration there, too, but also conviction.  “No, I cannot guarantee that the emotion I am feeling is love.  I still do not have the experience to be able to say that it is with absolute certainty.  What I can say with certainty is that I am still, to this day, the happiest I’ve ever been when I’m with you.  Chakotay is a good man, but it is not the same with him, even taking into account our few experiments with physical affection.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Kes is at a loss for words.  Seven seems to realize just how much she’s shocked her, because she makes a clear effort to soften her tone when she speaks next.  </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“I am not proposing marriage.”  Her dry tone makes Kes snort.  “But I think that one conclusion my research has led me to is that there is no need to rush when it comes to a romantic relationship.  I would like us to date, and I would like us to... ‘take it slow’, as the saying goes.  We’d both continue to stay where we are as far as sleeping arrangements go, but during some days we can go on dates together.  I am uncertain about my feelings towards physical affection, but I am willing to try different things.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Seven swallows, then says, “I would like us to try, Kes.  But only if that is also what you want.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Kes can feel tears prickling at her eyes.  Words still won’t come to her, so she nods.  She almost grabs Seven’s hand without thought, but she pauses before she can, shooting Seven a questioning look.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Seven glances at their hands, only a few inches apart, then reaches forward of her own volition and takes Kes’ hand, lacing their fingers together.  Kes can feel the tears running down her face, but she’s smiling so hard that she finds it hard to care.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <span>The public gardens are quieter than the rest of New Talax.  Kes can’t help but smile at the sight - they remind her so much of Ocampa that for a moment her heart aches.  She holds it there, just for a few seconds, before letting it fade away.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Her grip on Seven’s hand must tighten, because Seven asks her, “Is something wrong?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kes shakes her head.  She nods at the orange trees up ahead, planted in rows.  “Want to go sit down?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>There’s a bench sitting beneath one of the trees, and they walk towards it slowly.  Kes eases herself down slowly, wincing at the pain that lances through her knees.  On the surface she doesn’t look that old yet, but bothersome aches and pains are already starting to become a normal part of her life.  She takes a hypospray for it every morning, but at the lightest dosage Joe would allow.  She has a feeling she’s going to have to let him increase it soon.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Remind me,” Seven says.  “You helped the Talaxians cultivate these oranges, correct?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes,” Kes says.  “It was the genetics project I was working on while we were still on our journey to the Alpha Quadrant.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They can’t really say ‘while we were still on Voyager’, considering where they’re currently stationed.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It seems to have been a success,” Seven says, craning her head back to look at the oranges.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kes looks at Seven.  A part of her still can’t believe that they’ve become what they are now, but it’s moments like this where everything feels right in the universe.  She knows that Seven might disagree - more and more, Seven looks at her with a mix of love and trepidation, and Kes doesn’t know how to reassure her.  She settles for trying to remind Seven that she’s here, now, and that the future is still the future.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Seven lowers her head, noticing Kes staring at her.  She raises an eyebrow.  “Is there something on my face?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hmm, not exactly,” Kes says.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Seven narrows her eyes.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kes reaches out, letting her thumb trace over Seven’s cheek.  “I think,” she muses, “that I might see a laugh line.  Right about... here.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She leans up and kisses the corner of Seven’s mouth.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A bashful laugh escapes Seven.  “You are flattering me.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m doing no such thing,” Kes counters, leaning her head on Seven’s shoulder.  “Just being honest.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They sit like that for a long time.  Kes doesn’t notice the time passing, and neither does Seven.</span>
</p>
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